Monday, August 29, 2005

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

What does it really mean when you hate someone? Do you hate them as a person? Do you hate their actions? Do you hate the way they react? What? So if you hate them, does it make you a lesser person?

Right now I'm hating 2 particular persons. HATE. I hate them to the highest degree of hate possible. But I can't pinpoint what exactly is the thing that I hate about them. At this juncture, I hate everything about them.

I wish I had the guts to look them in the eyes and tell them what I feel. If i did, this is what i'll say:

What exactly is your problem?? You! So old yet so ignorant! Stop pretending that you don't know! This has already happened during the first term. How can you let it happen again? Is it because you think that what happened thn does not affect you because you were not the setter? You gave me a false sense of security! Thinking that you have vetted my paper, you would spot my mistakes and get me to correct my paper!! But you didn't and in true malay style, you covered your own ass. Now it's happening again. But this time you are the setter! I hope you get shit for this. I really do. If that makes me a bad person, then so be it!

Then.... ( the other one that i hate ) Where do you come of thinking that you are so good that your paper, anwer key and marking is error free? What was is that you said? 100 % correct?? wake and smell the roses my friend!!!! You did not go throug what i did in sa1. Being questioned and asked to justify my language by peopel who are not even malay.... let me tell you it felt like shit!!! For weeks after, i continually doubted myself.... it took a lot to pick myself up. Now, your are so arrogant! !00% correct indeed! The kids could give me better answers than you can! I hope you get into shit as well...

In recent times, I have been shown that God is All knowing and He is great. Indeed. Wouldn't he be disappointed that the two of you who preach His word, who always say that our job is our amanah and that if we don't perform in our job, if we take fake MCs then our gaji is haram are the very same people who have screwed up and others...BIG TIME??

Everyone is screwed up but you old person you have screwed people.... in particular ME!!! All these years i've helped you... while you got your SEO I got my D and my promotion witheld for 5 years. All these years i've done your job.... while you got your Bs I got screwed for ALL problems in the department. All these years.... while you gallavant in the united arab countries I stayed during the hols and cleaned up your mess... All I have done for you..... What do i get? A WARNING LETTER!!!! aaaaarrrrhhhgg!!!

May Allah bless you coz as far as I am concerned, you have NOT earned your keep....

Friday, August 26, 2005

Pissed Off - Part Deux

I was away on course today. Full day course. 8-5. Tomorrow will be another day. I was absolutely looking forward to waking up slightly later on saturday. catch up on lost sleep. So imagine how pissed off I was when i got a call telling me that a note was left on my table. ordinarily, that would not have an effect on me but when the contents of the note was read to me, I immediately felt my blood bubble...... This was what it said:

You are involved in the p3 screening test this saturday as invigilator. Please be at the quiet zone at 7.20 am to mark attendance.

Let me tell you right now that even typing that made angry tears come out. My points of contention, and i do have a few, are:

1. Why am i being informed of someting i have to do on saturday on the thursday? 2 days before?!!!! I am away on course. If kind tyahuliz did not let me know about it, i would not have known and then what?

2. Why was there no briefing done on this? if mdm jann were the person organising this, she would have ensured that EVERYONE knew about it. she would have made sure that the people involved were given proper work schedules and were explained their duties. NOT SMALL SQUARES WITH WORDS SCRIBBLED ON THEM!!!! So bloody unprofessional! Instead of the briefing on tpsr done during contact time ( which i would have rendered much less important than the screening test) it should have been the briefing on the screening!

3. What happened to not coming on saturday? the screening test could have been conducted on friday. the exams are over, so just do it during lesson. if there are some children who wish to be exempt, then they can be grouped and put in the library or something. is there even a need to have it on saturday?

4. What is the management's stand on this? we were not encouraged to come together to mark our exam scripts but coming back on saturday to do this screening test sits well with them????

5. Did anyone ever considered that I might have made plans for saturday? in fact not only me lah.... I'm sure everybody has plans. I have to take my mum to the dialysis centre. this is a long standing arrangement i have with my mum. If i was informed earlier, i could have made some arrangements...... which brings me back to point no 1!!!!

Why oh why are things becoming more and more ridiculous????? How anyone can and want to tahan this crap is beyond me........ sigh.........

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Pissed Off - Part Une

Someone is pissing me off more than smelly armpits can.More than nebulous film endings can. More than people who jump queues can. There is only so much crap one I take from one person at any given time . And for you I extended the limit to the capacity of at least ten people, in relation to the level of stupidity, selfishness, hipocrasy and plain common sense (or rather the lack of it) you seem to be capable of.

Surprise, surprise.You've reached that limit. I gave you the respect you supposedly deserve because you are old! At this juncture, I don't think you deserve even that. Why should i have to help you with your inadequacies? Why should i give a damn when you can't even handle the simplest of tasks. I make mistakes. Yes I do. But guess what? You are supposed to learn from them! You NEVER learn!

YOU. I have had enough.

The one who leads. Wake up! That's what you are supposed to do. When the people you lead cannot deliver, you are supposed to help them. You are supposed to explain why they cannot deliver on time. You are in a capacity to suggest to the higher ups an extension. You have the power. Use it!!! You should be the one who carry your people. Not the other way round. You are making my blood boil!!!!! What kind of a leader are you???!!! Especially when all your work you delegate. Give us the money.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Wonderful Saturday

This morning,while rolling around in bed, nibbling on my bagel ( so new yorkish! perasan.... ) i was scanning through the morning papers when this article about NKF caught my eye, i decided to read it thinking that maybe that TT Durai has used NKF funds to buy gold bicycle chain..... ??? But instead, it was an article about reduction of dialysis fees! I was so happy! But my sayang said to not get so excited about it yet.... so i called my mak and asked her about it. Oh joy it was! she said that the sup at her dialysis centre says that her fees will be reduced by 20%. Alhamdulillah! The goodness continues to bless me.

From my study, I can see a little of JB. Last thursday night, there were fireworks over the JB sky.... It lasted for a good 45 mins. So my sayang and i stood at the window and watched it.... That was nice. Anyway, currently, i'm waiting for my washing machine to finish it's cycle. it's raining out. I'm probably paranoid but i realise that EVERYTIME i do laundry,it rains... Something's Gotta Give is on HBO. I love the beach house that the show was filmed in. Great houses like that always inspire me to change things around the house. Then i see how messy my place is and decide to do it later....

Okie.... my machine has sounded.... time to sidai the kain....What to do for dinner......

Saturday, August 20, 2005

What a great day!

Nothing can make today bad. Absolutely nothing.I don't mean to gloat.... but wait a minute i do! Get off your high horse!Nobody is perfect. I'm waiting to see if any efforts will be made to set things straight. This time, chocolate won't do it.

I went to catch The Maid wth my baby sister today. It is a wonderful feeling knowing everyone is at work while i'm enjoying an afternoon movie on a weekday! we went to great world city, had nice lunch at siam kitchen, the movie was not too bad either. all in all .... a good day it was.

At 8, i decided to go to tampines and surprise my sayang. along the way, he called i had to let the cat out of the bag. If i didn't, then he go home, barulah padan my muka. We had a simple but super shiok dinner. we had laksa at QiJi. So sedap i tell you. and a side of chee cheong fun. after that we went jalan jalan and he bought me earrings..... thank you sayang! so cantik my earrings. then we bought our starbucks fix and headed home.

Now, while my sayang watches his weekly Barclay's Premiership Updates, I'm blogging. We are waiting for Cold Case to start. We are Bruckheimer junkies.

Today is a good day. As i say, nothing can make it bad. Not even the bad driving of the smelly cab driver that brought us home from tampines.

Today is a GOOD DAY!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005


65521111.... That number is on my speed dial.For those who don't already know, it's the cab booking number from Comfort. Even the increased fee of $4 after 5 did not deter me from calling. I mean, have you seen some of the cab queues? Come on! Not calling is not option for me. How can you have a queue of about 40 people probably waiting for 42 cabs, and NO cabs to serve this queue? Like at Suntec, Taka......

I wish i had a Hippogriff, or a nimbus 2000. Or I could learn to drive.Hmmm... Let's see how finances are in September.

Anyway, today, I met my adik at Suntec. She wanted to get this absolute must-have of a bag from Adidas. Felt very old coz i thought the bag was so buruk when she was raving on and on and on..... but anyway, after reaching the store, the bag dah out of stock.... hahahah. Finally, I yang beli a nice brown straw bag..... So anyway lah kan, we had a nice dinner @ Fish & Co. Went junk shopping at Carrefour. Ever notice how you almost always end up buying things you dont need when you wheel a trolley at a hypermart? Note to self- NO MORE TROLLEYS. So after paying for our stuff, we went on to get our cab to go home. To our horror, it was the 40 people to 42 cab kinda queue.... So i decided to call. We got a cab, 6006, cool number. So we waited outside at the benches for the cab to arrive. It finally came and as i was frantically waving at the cab to come over to where we were, this Ah Lian looking girl just cut in front of me and got into my 6006! I was like?????

Now, apart from smelly people, i hate people who cut my queue and also they who hijack my cab! So i knocked on the driver's window. This driver also one kind.... didn't even bother to check, just because the ah lian a bit the cantik, quickly want to drive off... He rolled down the window and the following conversation took place...

me: " uncle, going cck crescent is it?"
Apek: " ya!"
me: " she going where? "
Apek: " CCk lah!"
me: " You ask her ah?"
Apek: " she say she call one!"

At this point, the apek got a little impatient...

Apek: "why u ask?'
Me: " because i call!!! U ask her for her telephone ah!"

So the apek proceeded to ask the ah lian for her number. so when she gave a number different from the one on his display unit ( mine! ) apek scolded her lah. She still had the audacity to say that the cab company got her number wrong..... so i told her "eh, please lah, can you get out? I have diarrhea, need to sh**.... please lah...". She finally got out of the cab. The sounds of Hokkien expletives filled the air. Needless to say, I gave apek a long lecture on how he should check his passengers first.

I mean, why do people do that? Get your own cab why don't you!!!

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Let the games begin...

WOE IS ME...... why am i woe-ing? The bane of my existance, The English Premiership, sadly, has returned to the idiot box....sigh... There goes my quiet weekends of snuggling with my sayang sharing a good book.What will start are situations where we'd have to rush home from wherever we are to ensure he catches the game.... staying up late to catch the game at ungodly hours....

As I am typing this, my sayang is watching Man U vs Everton. His mood not so good, apparently his fav team not playing too well.... BUT wait, they just SCORED!!! Someones's demeanour has certainly changed. Oh its half time.... He'll start on his first half analysis. Thank god i have the half blood prince. I'll just bury myself in the book. Most times, i'd just nod and pretend to understand what he is analysing......

Since being married to him, i have begun to understand the game. At least i think i have lah.... Only that up till now, no one have succesfully made me understand what on offside is all about. takpelah.... Tak kurang pun...heheheh....

Anyway, the thing that makes my sayang's obsession with the Red Devils somewhat palatable is his promise to take me to old trafford..... which means going to UK..... which means me getting a whole lot of marks & spencers..... ooooh..... cannot wait....

Luckily my sayang likes manchester united, if he was obsessed with tampines rovers........

Funny people

People are people so.... what should it be...... The words of depeche mode rings in my ear everytime peoples' idiosyncrasies get the better of me. There are funny, funny people all around me..... I even don't have to look very far... At work, there is this one person who complains incessantly.Recently this person was unwell, so this person called me on my mobile. I was unable to answer the call, so later, when i called back, this person said, 'thanx for calling me' ?????? I didn't call, i was returning hers!! Then there are others who look through people with no qualms whatsoever..... so easy peasy! When they want to talk to you, they can seem to be your pal but when there is no need to, they can simply ignore you!! What gives?

What actually gives people the right to do that? Don't people realise that when they do that they leave others around them out to dry? There are also some who are so insensitive to the plight that others are in. For instance, there is this person, who everytime i say that i have too much work, she says that she has 5 composition to mark at home.... when i say that my house in a mess, hers is messier of course since it's occupied by 5 other people..... when i told her my mom has kidney failure, her aunt also has that and cancer and going blind in one eye.... so i have given up on telling her anything.

In fact, have given up on saying anything to anyone at work. it seems that whatever i say can and has been used against me.... i know i have my shortcomings..... i know i'm loud and rash....sometimes lazy..... but i have heart.... and because of that, i've mistaken you for somebody else, somebody who gives a damn, somebody more like myself........ sigh......

I have heart. That has made me naive. That has blurred the difference between colleagues and friends. That has made me not see that people have taken me for a ride. I have heart. Give me chocolate and i'll forgive all transgressions against me.... How easy! How naive!

Things have happened that has jolted me out of my naivete. But i can't change how people are. I cannot make people be what they are not. All I can do is change myself. so now, this is what i'll live by...

*Knowing myself.
*Asking for help when I need it and acting on my own when I don't.
*Admitting when I'm wrong and making amends.
*Accepting love from others, even if I'm having a tough time loving myself.
*Recognizing that I always have choices, and taking responsibility for the ones I make.
*Seeing that life is a blessing.
*Having an opinion without insisting that others share it.
*Forgiving myself and others.
*Recognizing my shortcomings and my strengths.
*Having the courage to live one day at a time.
*Acknowledging that my needs are my responsibility.
*Caring for people without having to take care of them.
*Accepting that I'll never be finished -- I'll always be a work-in-progress

God give me the strength to face life. Give me the patience to excel at what I do. Give me love, lot of it, so I can love... even those who hate me

Saturday, August 13, 2005

The best things in life are free

I was sick since last sunday. Had the runs. maybe expired eggs or maggi gone bad. Never thought maggi could go bad. Must be the egg. Anyhow, was stuck at home with the runs. Sayang had to work that sunday. Left at 8 in the morn, returned home at 2 the next morn! But that's another story.... so decided that my wadrobe needed some minor straightening out...actually it needed MAJOR straightening out...... So i set out to sort thru my haute courture.... As i was throwing out stuff, i thought, my,my.... these clothes shrunk! hehe.... Now we all know what really happened now don't we? Anyway, the sneezes started the moment i rummaged thru my clothes... ended up with me getting asthma....sigh.... Couldn't go to work the following airway was congested while my a** was leaking..... Yuck!

Anyway, my mak sayang came to visit me that monday. I was sooo touched! Sayang sekali!! My relationship with my mom has not always been easy. I had always been closer to my dad. So after he passed away, i decided that i needed to get to know my mom better, but it did not turn out the way I had wanted... We were constant loggerheads.... always at opposing ends. Everything became a battle with us. Even after i got married and my sayang moved in, we were still at each others' throats. That was when i decided that i needed to move out. I tell you, that was the wisest thing i have ever decided. Our relationship improved almost instantly! I was calling her everyday, we were hanging on the phone..... we did things we never did before.... I thank Allah for giving me the wisdom and strength to make that decision. Now, everything is wonderful with her. She was diagnosed with kidney failure. That has made us even closer. God works in mysterious ways. Something that I thought could make my world come crashing down, actually brought me and my mom closer.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Smelling nice...

I'm very particular about smells. I consider it a social crime if one forgets to use deodorant or does not keep oneself err.... odour free. I hate it! At work, there are 3 particular colleagues who stink. Let me just say it again.... YOU SMELL! Literally. don't get me wrong, you are nice people, but you stink.... please...heard of deodorant? I don't quite fancy eau de armpit! Wonder if you'll get offended if I leave deodorant on your tables.... But just in case you are wondering, speed stik for ladies is very good..... just one thing you should remember..... DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT!

Anyway, i'm a strong advocate of smelling good. One of many reasons why i love perfumes. One of my many vices. Last week, I ran out of supplies. I went down to mustaffa centre in Serangoon with my sayang. After having very shiok thosai at Ananda Bhava, we went over. Why Mustaffa? It's cheaper. Almost cheaper by more than $10 for some brands. Like Lolita Lempicka, at Tangs, 100ml is about $80 but at Mustaffa it's only $65!! And they have a wide range of perfumes.

So my perfume has finished. Loilita Lempicka is my ultimate fav, but I thought i might try a new fragrance. So i went with an open mind and without perfume, so that when i tried on new fragrances, they won't mix. I was paranoid about that. Kept asking my sayang if i was smelly..... as i say, i hate not smelling good. So anyway, when we got there, I was at a loss.... There were so many i wanted. All that I tested, I liked!! I was spoilt for choice. Didn't know what I wanted. Finally after about an hour of indecisiveness, I finally decided on.... LOLITA LEMPICKA...... hahahah...... I just grabbed the box nearest me and paid for it.

After that we went to NYDC at Holland V. We had elephancchinos and Boo Boo cake... Yummy! Then we headed home. I opened my box of new perfume and discovered that I had bought the EDT instead of the EDP!!! EDT is much lighter as it evaporates faster than EDP. That means, i need to use more edt to last me thru the day!..... I was so mad with myself.... Of course my sayang said that my mistake was due to my indecisiveness..... Well that's me for you... when presented with many choices, I almost always lose sight of what i really want.

So I have decided that next payday, I will go and get Polo Ralph Romance... or maybe Clinique's Happy to Be or Lancome's Miracle or even Gucci's Envy..... Or maybe even end up getting another Lolita Lempicka's EDT..... hahahhahaha.......

Why am i up?

The past week had me getting up early on 4 out of 5 days. And by early , I mean at 6am! So last night I made a vow that I was going to compensate my sleep deprived self. But now, I'm already up! I hate it when you plan to sleep in, you actually get up at 7.30 am and then, cannot go back to sleep! And the weather was no help either.... Why couldn't it rain heavily like it did the past few days? So I found myself with the choice of marking my worksheets or watching the idiot box. Naturally I chose the latter lah. When I switched it on, it was on the travel channel. So I laid on my couch and watched a special on Greece. ......Sigh...... When will I ever get the chance to travel to such places? I always tell myself that I need a break, need to get away for a while.... But almost always, sayang's work, mak's dialysis and the 1001 commitments I have serve as major barriers..... I envy those who go everytime the hols come along....

I just realised that I am not consistent in typing my 'I'. Sometimes it's upper case, sometimes it's lower....hmm.... but I digress....

A would be tragedy happened to my cat last night. Baby. That's what I call her. Anyhow, whenever I come home, she just loves to rub herself in between my legs... Usually i'd pick her up and stroke her but last night, I needed to pee desperately. so I dumped my laptop bag on the floor but instead it hit my Baby on the head! The weight of the laptop + the bag + 6 x30 worksheets that was in the bag knocked the poor feline out! I thought I had killed her. Of course all feelings of wanting to pee had gone... I sat on the floor next to her and started crying..... I stroked her and as I was, she got up! I was so relieved, I started crying again.... But I burst out into laughter soon after because as she was walking away, she kept running into things! Still mabuk I guess... I'm sorry Baby.... I won't do it again ok....

The travel channel is now in Scotland! Gorgeous place! I wanna learn how to play the bagpipes... Oh but nevermind lah..... it's quite difficult..... hahahah

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Something wicked this way comes....

Something happened at work today. I supposedly took and lost certain things belonging to some people. I certainly did not take them. But this person swears to god that I did. So on the same note, I swear to god that I did not. But maybe mine is a lesser god. So my swears are not heard... Anyhow,I still looked for them at my desk anyway. I felt absurd looking for it because.... Guess what? I DID NOT TAKE THEM!

I am sorry they are lost. But I certainly did not take them. I don't appreciate being talked down to. So righteous to think that you are 100% right. 'Demi Allah'... These are very strong words. I hope you find them because they are not the only things you have lost. It would suffice to say certain things can never be replaced...

On a different note...

Recently, my sayang and I decided that in order to minimise further weight gain, we will not be waiting for each other to have dinner. When we do that the earliest we have dinner would be 10. So it will be each of us having dinner on our own. That makes me sad. While I see the need to, it still makes me sad. Dinner with my sayang is what gets me thru the day. Our dinners, although simple food is served, it is when we talk about each others day.... And we enjoy that.... Now, situations will change. Well, I guess, we still have the weekends....

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


I was told that there will be no celebrations this year. No concert.... no lunch.... no dinner.... na da.... nothing! Why like that? If teachers don't get to be appreciated on teachers' day, when then? The whole situation just saddens me. Was talking to a teacher-friend of mine last week and her school's having a lunch where the theme was cartoon characters and she had wanted to go as strawberry shortcake.... so fun! What is the reason behind it I wonder? Perhaps there is a need to save funds. But I don't get why there is no concert. Do people realise that having concerts teaches the children to show their appreciation? It teaches the children to be appreciative of things done for them.... Taking that away seems foolish as it retards further efforts to ensure that our children grow up human. As it is we have a bunch of really rude children.....sigh......

Went to KK to see my aunt... she has a growth in her womb. the docs said that if it is cancerous, they will have to remove her womb. Alhamdulillah.... it's just a huge cyst....My aunt's scared but she's putting up a real brave front. Her smiles may mask her pain, but I know she's in pain .... Allah, please give cik pah the strength she needs to get thru this...

Every time things like this happens, I just want to give up.... But my sweet sweet mummy always tells me to take her as a living example..... her mum died when she was very young.... so she grew up taking care of her 7 younger siblings.... after that she married my dad who was match made to her.... so she had to leave her boyfriend.... after about 15 years of marriage, my father fell ill.... three years later he died.... so she raised me and my 2 younger siblings...... she had to work very hard.... Just when everything is beginning to settle down, we all started working and was beginning to support her.... she was stricken with end stage renal failure.... Kidney failure lah.... and yet never once did she falter..... She's a very very strong woman. I wished I had half her strength.....

God, please make me strong. Please grant my mum long life so she may live to see her grandchildren... Please give her the strength to live her live to the fullest and get all that she deserves.... Amin....