Wednesday, July 26, 2006
The past 2 months have been jerking me around emotionally. I have not had my menses for these past 2 months. You'd think I'd be over the moon right? Armed with the highest of hopes and a long list of pregnant-esque symptoms, I went to see my gynae. I could almost hear it in my head,
Congrats! You're gonna be a mommy!!
But after I had a HCG test done, it came back negative. NEGATIVE. NADA. NOTHING. And just like that I was jerked back to reality. For the uninitited, a HCG test is a pregnancy test lah. So I sat quietly infront of my gynae, a major lump growing in my throat, fighting back tears that threatened to spray out of my eyes. My heart was broken.
I had hoped that after my last d&c, and when my menses seemed to have gotten it's groove back on track, I thought this time, I might have a chance. After 2 months of no show, I thought I do have a chance but sadly the test was not positive. My gynae then said that the test might not be accurate so she wants me to give it another month after which another test is to be administered and if it is still negative, she'll give me medication to make the menses come so that I can try to conceive all over again.
So now I'm back in my limbo again. Pregnant or not? God only knows. It's not easy being in limbo. Now I know how those spirits in The Ghost Whisperer feel. Heh.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
Monday, July 17, 2006
Well. Ok. I thought hmmm, I have to be nice to people taking the lift with me? So coincidental to be telling me such at the lift right?
But anyhow, I reckon this person thinks that with my boss retiring in August, I might take over her duties. Frankly I'm not really interested. I'd rather spend more time with my kids, teaching than planning or doing the administrative duties. But it has made me think what kind of 'boss' I'd be. I'm very opinionated and when I don't like someone, I have no qualms showing it. I know a leader cannot be like that. But that is what I am.
I think being in a capacity of a leader, one must have a certain thickness of skin. One must be able to support one's team. One must be able to provide for one's team. One must know what's going on to be able to lead effectively. One must lead by example. One must be fair. One must know one's team and use each and every one of team's strengths to ensure that work is done effectively and the kids are not shortchanged. One must be able to speak up for one's team when the need arises. A leader is, after all, the voice of the team.
One must not continously taiqi one's responsibilty and call it grooming. One must not worry only about one's stomach at times when one's team is madly rushing to finish up work. One must not just stand by and entertain other people when one's team is struggling. One must not flog willing horses in one's department. One must not do nothing and then expect the team to do everything.
I was watching an episode of CSI 2 weeks back. In that episode, Grissom's team lost ALL evidence that they had collected at a crime scene. This was a big boo boo as it would impact the outcome of the case. A guilty man would walk free because they did not have the evidence to find out who he is. That 3 men team that lost the evidence knew that they were in big shit. They were put in a room. Then Grissom walked in. Instead of asking why, he sat and together they tried to figure out how to solve the problem that they had. While doing that, the powers that be in the department was coming down hard on the 3 people. Grissom did not falter and he stood by his team, helping them work out what they could to salvage the situation. At the end of the show, I thought, WOW! What a boss! If mine was such, I would give him my heart and soul.
It is not easy to find a good boss but I'm glad that I have friends who have become good bosses. To you guys, keep up the good work. To those who have yet to realise that being a leader is not just about getting a fatter paycheck and bossing people around, be nice to everyone when you are up there coz you'll never know who you'll meet on the way down.
Just pray that it's not me. Heh.
Aiyah, I cry at everything lah. I the very emotional one. Crying is an outlet for me. Sad, I cry. Angry, I cry. Happy, also I cry. But I digress.
My point is, everyone, from helpless babies to mushy teenagers to strong silent men has fallen in love at some point in time in their lives. So how do you show that you love someone? Eevy showed her love for Rick by battling with falling bits of a pyramid to save him into falling into the pits of hell. For the uninitiated, that was also from Mummy Returns. Will I do that? Errr.... why would MBB be in a pyramid to begin with?
There are many ways one can show love. Some people buy stuff. Buying love you say? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... You won't admit love you love me, but if you buy me stuff, are you saying just that?
When one sees a Keropi paraphernalia that a close friend likes or when a husband comes across a funky watch that his wife might like, or if he sees a bag that he knows she will just love, and goes on to get it for her, I think it's sweet. Does that show that he loves her? Well, at the very least he's thinking about her. And in my book, that's love.
MBB, this does not mean that you should now, at this very moment go and get me that ice cream in the fridge that I'm dying for. Heh.
Some people, profess their love verbally. They SAY it. Sometimes out loud. Used to go out with a guy who is like that. In the beginning I was rather taken by his sweet words but as the relationship got on the sweetness became diabetic. Too much. Made me doubt if he ever even meant it. Creep.
Some, they JUST DO IT. These people, probably get paid by NIKE. Heh, I am kidding. Seriously. I remember when my dad was still alive, my mum would do everything for him. Growing up I thought, eeee when I get married, I never want to take off my husband's socks for him.
The more I watched my mum, I slowly began to realise that my dad never really said thanx. You see, he's the strong silent, full of machismo, saying thanx to a woman would, God forbid, reduce his manliness type. But it also made me realise that he said thanx by buying her fav mee goreng sometimes, getting her a piece of jewellery when he had extra money, bringing her out on the weekends on his trusted scooter, spending time fixing her sewing machine, doing small odd jobs around the house and things like that.
So I realised that my mum and dad both understand each others' way of showing their love.This understanding made the relationship work.
I envy people who have that kind of an understanding. Not easy yes?
I guess I have yet to come to that understanding. To me, MBB not calling = MBB not thinking of me = MBB doesn't love me. How juvenile, yes? But that is how I would like MBB to show his love. I want him to talk to me all the time. Not that he doesn't. I know he would if he had the time.
Me, I enjoy buying stuff for MBB. When I see a shirt that I know he'll wear, I'll get it. If I come across some chocolate and cookies that I know he'll love, I'll buy a batch. That's how I show love. The best part about that? When MBB is so pleased with what I get him that he gives me a great big hug. I love the bear hugs I get frim him. Perfection will be if he could hold me all day............sigh..............
So, how do you show your love?
By the way, I do take MBB's socks off for him. Sometimes.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Friday, July 07, 2006
This was the gang on the ferry there. No, Kak Jan didn't sit with us. She went to kepo kepo everywhere else. As Usual. Saadiah also not there. If she were, she'd puked her guts out. So choppy it was , the sea. Lots of turbulence on the way there. Heh.
Ah Moy posing with glam shades. I like. The shades more than the Ah moy.Hahahahh. A mummy with babe in hand trying to pretend she was unaware of yours truly snapping a picture. Tsk.
The ferry terminal of choice but the name, I forget. But I like the architecture.
Holiday -Inn Batam. Waaaaaaaaay beyond my expectation. I also like. The buildings behind us are the rooms. Nice. Of course nicer are the 3 ladies at the balcony waiting for their Romeos.
2 gersang ladies posing with a tree?! I must say soooo cantik...... the tree.
Ahhhh...... these 2? No need to say. Gorgeous. Especially the larger than life one.Heh. Never realised how errr..... petite Jannah is. This is the center staircase@ the lobby. Not too shabby eh?
I do have pictures of the pool, rooms and some food we ordered while we were there. See that here ok?
Let's go to the Zoo!!
The girls were so excited when we picked them up in the morning.
Then we visited the Hamadryas Baboons.... we were all for a great shock. The baboons were IN HEAT! They had some parts of their genitalia sticking out of their butts. Apparently, that was how they got when they were in heat. Yikes! I decided that posting a picture here would simply be distasteful. But in case anyone was wondering, for the females,their butts looked like they had a serious case of piles. Everything was literally sticking out.Even for the males. Heh. Their pee pees were erect the whole time we were there. Instead of Viagra, they can consider Essence of Hamadryas?
Still at the baboon place. The kakak was quite err... disturbed by the scene behind her....
That's my BIL's wife. We ordered breakfast from the nearby McD. I bought the table mat from the 7-11. It really brightened the stone picnic table. That day, the weather was sunny, the wind was blowing. It was great.
The old newly weds.....ha hah ah ahhh..... I'm in love with my shades.... Cool right?
My extended family : )
After these two munchkins were done in the sea, they had their shower and it began to drizzle. Their mum made them wera their robes and I just had to snap this pic. Are they cute or what.......???
Monday, July 03, 2006
Everyone's shifted into full gear at work. After that short Batam retreat, I noticed that people at work seem more tolerant of one another. I like that. I do applaud my boss's effort to gel us. In fact the last person I had expected to be nice to me has began to show signs of warming up to me. That is a good thing as I will have to eventually work rather closely with him. I have also made a resolution to be less judgmental or not at all. During this retreat, I was grouped with people whom I had no liking for, but after getting to know them better, I realised I had misjudged them. So I have decided that I will give myself a chance to get to know them before judging them. Heh.
Everyone except 1.
This person, I simply cannot give the benefit of the doubt. I have tried, but I cannot. This person made a mistake, was caught by none other than the powers that be and yet, nothing punitive has been done. In fact, this person has gone on a long break. Upon return was given negligible work, of which the rest of us were to have zero expectations. This person was also exempt from teaching because the kids supposedly stressed her out. So this person could do things during teaching hours while the rest of us struggle to juggle things in order to find the time to do the same. In a real situation, I would have felt sorry for this person. Teaching definitely has it's fair share of stresses and if you are unable to handle it and succumbs to it, go on, lean on my shoulder. BUT when one fakes it and then rubs it in our faces, and that EVERYONE even the authority on mental breakdowns realises how unreal this situation is, it becomes a big joke. Seriously, I'm not joking. Heh.
Now, this person is back to teaching. My question is, what has changed? If the kids were the cause of this person losing marbles, they are still there. If we are the ones who causes politicking in the department which gives this person a headache, we are still here. If an ineffective boss is the one that makes this person depressed, she's still ineffective.
How is it that this person's antics are entertained? How is it that this person gets away scott free? I too have made my fair share of mistakes and let me tell you, I was never spared. So how is it that this person gets to be exempted from teaching and everything ladida after being caught, red handed, by the powers that be no less? Welcome to the real world you say? Yeah. I agree. But I am a strong believer in what goes around comes around.
To this person, what you have done hurts others. Makes others feel lousy about themselves. Makes others feel that their hard work is a joke. Makes them doubt the authority. What you done hurts the kids under your charge. You have hurt their learning potential. You have shortchanged them.
But most of all, you have hurt yourself. For that I feel sorry for you.
YOU. What goes around comes around.