Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Hot Stuff

Ok, ok, so I admit it. I hate the heat. Well, I like some heat. On a cold rainy day heat from a hot mug of coffee is wonderful. On a cold winter's night, heat from the hug of a loved one is heavenly. BUT the heat we are having now is just painful. Look at the poor bloke waiting for the bus in the picture. I took this not very much of a picture while standing at the window having an internal debate as to whether I should go to the supermarket to buy the pangasius fillet to prepare and serve with my fried rice for dinner... Can you see just how hot it bloody is?? It seriously is not the kind of sunshine you'd want to bask yourself in and feel it's warmth hug you and make you feel oh so good. Seriously.
Now, it's great to have a nice rosy glow on the cheek and a wonderful tan on the skin, no? Unfortunately, yours truly have retarded skin. It doesn't tan, it burns. Not the burning that indicates that you've been spending days on the beach and surfing in the sea, but the burn you get when you've been charred in a fire. Ok, so I'm stretching it a bit, but you get the idea. I don't become a healthy red, I turn black. Not only that, my skin retains all the heat it has absorb and stores it for a long, long, long time. For instance, I firmly believe that I can still feel the heat I subjected myself to when I went to the market last thursday. I kid you not. today indicated that the temperature today is 33 deg. Scorching. How did I survive so long living in Sg? I think Sg is very humid and that allows the body to sweat and have a natural cooling mechanism. Incidentally, I don't like to sweat, which is probably why I'm fat. In Hk, it's relatively dry, which explains why my lips are cracking all the time, so not much of sweating goes on. At least from what I see of the HK-ers. Also, back in Sg, more often that not, I'm usually in a classroom which is well ventilated or in the staff room which is airconditioned so it wasn't too bad.
I cannot wait for the weather to cool off a bit. Last year, it was only this hot in August. This year it started in July. So hopefully, the cool will start earlier too? *Keeping fingers crossed*
Oh, in case you were wondering, pangasius is a fish. Depending on which continent from which it was caught, I could either be eating a catfish or a shark.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Rest Well

Some close friends of ours suffered a loss recently. One of the beloved pet had passed on. I hope they find the strength within themselves to one day remember that wonderful feline that had brought them many laughs without feeling too sad. Our thoughts are with you guys.

I'm reminded of when I lost my cat. Baby, I called her. She was most gentle and beautiful but very standoffish..:O) Her expressions most days said only one thing, which was, 'you can look at me, I'm beautiful, I know, but please, do not touch me..' I swear I saw her rolling her eyes once...
I saw her last when I went back to Sg for a visit in May 08. She subsequently passed on on Sept 11th the same year. A drama queen right till the end, even the date that she left was dramatic. I miss her much. She was always there when Alam worked late and he worked late plenty. She was always there when I had to stay up through the night to work on assignments or last minute projects. She was always there. Unconditional love. She'll come alive when she heard her can of food being opened, or when she found a new toy to play with. When she was older she was just happy to be sprawling around doing absolutely nothing. Baby was very old for a cat. She was at least 20. That's super old apparently. Cats' life expectancy is usually 13-15 years. My Baby had lived a long life. She was the source of endless laughter for me and my family. I liked it when I thought she was missing and would more often than not, find her in one of my bags...:O) I liked it when Hari Raya neared, and me and mak were making the ketupats, she'd be busying herself with lying on the leaves and Alam would tease her with the vein of the leaf....Good times.
Well, my dear Baby, rest well. We'll meet again one day, you and I. Till then, Sayler'll keep you company.

Back From The Dead - Again!

And so it is that I have had mixed feelings about abandoning my blog. To close or not to close. Then I thought, if I did, I'd miss writing, surely... So, what the heck, let's give it another go, shall we? :O)

Since I had last dusted myself off, plenty of things have happened. Some good, some really really not, so good. The worst was, I had another miscarriage. I was 12 weeks pregnant. Saying that seems really strange to me. I have been pregnant but nothing to show for it really, other than plenty of pills attempting to soothe my pains. Can they? Really? Soothe my pains? The physical pain, it definitely does but other than that.... Time heals everything?

I have been thinking a lot lately about my life. About how it has come to be what it is today. I have been thinking a lot lately about my family. About how it has come to be what it is today. I have been thinking a lot lately about Alam and I. About how we have become what we are today. And what have I come to realize? That nothing we expect actually really happens. That nothing we plan really goes the way we do. That the only thing we know for sure is that LIFE is one hell of a ride and all we can do is enjoy it, with all it's ups and downs, all the while being there for the ones we love.

Which brings me to my next point.

I have grown up with the concept of unconditional love. Especially when you are a family. To me, as long as you are a part of a family, you'll always be loved, no matter what you did or did not do, no matter who you were and what you've become. I have learnt in the hardest of ways that this, isn't always the case. See what I mean about things not being the way we expect them to be?

I had expected that family are the only people that I'd be able to count on for ANYTHING. I had expected family to be there for me when I was down, just as I would for them. I had expected family to be happy for me, celebrating my successes, just I would with them. I had expected family to love me, just as I would, them. I certainly did not expect family to say the things they did. I did not expect family to behave the way they did and I sure as hell did not expect family to be the selfish, ignorant, heartless beings that they are. Sure, they may not be my biological family, but I had thought the ties that bound us would actually mean something.

I'm naive like that.

And so it is that I have decided that I will move on. I'm getting over not having kids. I'm getting over a crappy family. I'm getting over selfish, ignorant, heartless bastards whose words don't mean shit to me.

Yayy me!