Drowning

I'm so overwhelmed it's difficult to breathe.

I need a breather.

I need a break. Especially from some people.

I need something to happen to restore my faith in people who the kids call T-E-A-C-H-E-R.

Please, let it be soon.

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Where: At my desk, in my study
When: Abt 1.45 am
What: 3 stacks of mock exam papers staring me in the eye.

Instead of finishing the compo strewn all in front of me, courtesy of my fan, I decided to berangan ( Malay for building sandcastles in the air.) So I started surfing the internet. Note to self : NEVER have the laptop set up when piles of marking are just waiting to be marked. Anyhoo, then I thought, what car do I want when I eventually get 1? So off to car manufacturers' websites I surfed. Then I saw this and immediately fell in love.

Drool............

Ramadhan Is Coming

The fasting month is barely a week away. I like this month-long abstinence from food glorious food. It not only gives my digestive system a rest, it'll also give my purse a break. I have come to a realisation that I spend A LOT of moolah on food. I also like it as it will make my blood sugar readings really low. Explains why I like seeing my GP for my diabetes assessment during this period. Heh. This month-long refrain from food also will make me lose some weight..... I think maybe I will document my weight loss progress when the fasting starts....

Came across this poster announcing the coming of Ramadhan. I really like it.

For the uninitiated, in the Islamic faith, Satan, said to be the root of all evil, will return to hell for a vacation during the month of Ramadhan. So whatever wrongdoings and sins committed by Muslims in this month, will be credited fully to themselves.

Well, to all my soon to be fasting friends.... Happy Fasting!!

Pot unLucky

Bringing food to a potluck is always a gamble. This weekend, my pot, was really unlucky. Excpet for MBB, no one else touched it. Notwithstanding my rather yummy pasta, no one touched it. It then occured to me that one should just be minutely courteous and just 'taste' it. Rasa je. Nevermind that I had spent about 3 hours prepring the damnned pasta. It would be nice to just acknowledge my efforts by taking some of it and putting it on your plate and then just poke it around with your fork. You don't even have to actually eat it.

So much for courtesy.

With that they have catapulted themselves into a whole new playing field, The Out Laws.

Sigh...Mr Kerby Got The Best Of Me

The rain, the nerves, ooh the nerves, the fever and the diarrhea all got to me.

Then again, no excuses. I did do the KERBY. While inside some more..... chet!

Ok. 3 months to go.

It's Just Nerves

6 is the number of times I could not breathe.

4 is the number of times I crapped.

4 is also the number of times I almost vomitted.

2 is the number of times I actually did.

I have never been THIS nervous.

Tsk tsk tsk tsk.

Butterfly Flutter By

I am nervous.

The diarrhoea, the crampy stomach sure as hell are not helping. You know the feeling you get when your teacher says "See me after school!" during the first period? That horrid sense of foreboding, not knowing what punishment will be meted out to you? Double, no quadruple that and you'll know how exactly how I feel.

I wonder if the fella will let me stop to crap.

Nevermind Lah

Does it not just suck when things don't go the way you plan?

Sigh...

Come on, time to find a new distraction!

Oh Yas!

Was very very the impressed by this.

Then this came along and wowed me.

Now she's teasing me with this.


Faster, faster release it here first, ok?

Lazy Saturday

MBB and I decided that we were not going to do anything remotely related to work today. So I decided that I was going to satisfy myself.... with a long time craving.

We went to NYDC @ Wheelock and had the jazzy brownie. Exactly the way I had wanted it. The brownie was soft, warm and chocful with pecan. The ice cream was cold and milky french vanilla. The drizzle was warm, thick choc fudge which melted into the ice cream. Very light whipped cream, handful of peanut bits and a fresh half cherry topped the whole thing off. I was in heaven! It was yummy, yummy, yummy and I was one satisfied woman. Heh. It will be a long time before I will want another brownie.

After that, we spent some time getting lost @ BORDERS. I love that place. Makes me feel clever. Heh. Got me a Torey Hayden. MBB got the collection of jokes and humorous anecdotes from Reader's Digest. We then went to this place. This place is new but it was so cosy with many armchairs. When we saw a corner being freed up, yours truly quickly went to settle herself there. After we settled down, MBB went to order our drinks. We decided to go with fruity drinks instead of our usual fixes.

That's our drinks with MBB's book. While we were surveying the surroundings, MBB looked up and saw this.

So pretty. Apparently the whole 'roof' of Milennia Walk is made up of many of these 'funnel' like thingies. I took this picture by simply looking up from my super comfy armchair. Incidentally, all pictures in this blog were taken by MBB's Motorola Razor V3X. Resolution's quite good. After we were done being in awe of this architectural amazement, MBB quickly started on his book while I, continued taking pictures. Heh. I like lah.

Thanx Ayang for a wonderfully lazy today.

Singapore Idol

I was watching SUPERNOVA on 18 and suddenly thought with dismay what a joke our Singapore Idol is. Everything about it is a joke. Everything. From the hosts to the judges to the fans and of course to the biggest joke of all, the contestants, with a few exceptions. Let me give you a blow by blow account of my claim.

There's 2 hosts. Whatever for? I think Gurmit has done a fairly good job of it last year, so why do we need Daniel the POSER Ong this year? What is up with the inconsistent American accent? and do you realise that he asks the same questions to every contestant? Any idiot can do that. Even the next Singapore Idol can do that. Err... who? The next Singapore Idol? Who else? Joakim Gomez lah. I think Gurmit should be the only one hosting this programme. Although he mispronounces a lot of words, he has the depth and experience to always play off the person he's talking to and asks questions relevant to that person. Dan Ong on the other hand, should just stick to radio.

What is with the judges and their trying-too-hard-to be-clever comments? Especially Ja. I like her but she's got to realise that her wit falls on deaf ears. Our audience are simply NOT astute enough to understand her sarcasm and double meaning. I think Florence is tone deaf. The fact that she 'actually enjoyed' Joakim's performances makes me doubt her credibility. I think Dick could do well to just say what he really means. But the lamest has got to be Ken lah. I mean he claims to be straight up, frank and tell the truth. I don't see him living up to that at all. Why does he not just say that Joakim cannot sing and that he is a joke to this competition? And week after week he does nothing but puts Hady down. Last night he called hady's performance a dime in a dozen. The saying is 'A DIME A DOZEN'. Get it right Mr Lim! Does he not realise that by saying that, he's saying that EVERYONE'S performance was the same as Hady's? Wake up and face the music!

The mosh pit should be called the swamp pit and the fans in it, swamp things. Why? Cos they never know when they should shut their mouths. While the contestants are doing their do, these 'fans' should shut up so everyone can hear them. So the judges can actually hear how bad Joakim is. Enough with all the incessant yelling and screaming. These fans should also start choosing and supporting the contestants who can actually sing. Come on fans, this IS a SINGING competition. The people who are safe each week are mostly people who CANNOT sing. Are our standards that low? What is so good about Joakim? What is so great about Jasmine? They cannot sing lah.....

Now the best part! The contestants. If I had my pick, the final 3 would be Mathilda, Jonathan and of course my Hady. The rest leaves very little to be desired. However, if the voting goes on the way it has been, the winner and the next Singapore Idol will be Joakim Gomez. Who incidentally should take a deed poll and change his name to Butcher Gomez. Why? Cos he bloody well butchers each and every song he err... sings? My heart actually aches when I see him perform. And he is so smug when the judges gives him negative comments because deep down he's saying 'nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh, you can say all you want but everyone will still vote for me...nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh'. Then we have Nurul, who can somewhat sing, if only she drops her fake American accent. There's Jasmine, Paul and Rahimah who all need to do some growing up before they can be the singer they truly can be. Of course there's the not very young, not VERY good looking but Very talented Mathilda, Jonathan and my Hady. Because they are not very young and not very good looking like Joakim ( God Forbid! ) they don't get very many votes and thus are left gasping for air every week.

You tell me now, Singapore Idol, a joke or not? Maybe it should be renamed to Singapore Idiots?

Lost

I teach. I like teaching. Especially when in the process I am able to laugh with my kids. Those times will, more often than not, turn out to be good days. When I joined the profession, I must admit it was because I screwed up my A levels. But what is important is that I grew to love it. I loved being with the kids. I had wonderful colleagues. I had a leader who, at that time, I thought, was some kind of wonderful. All these factors made me want to get out of bed every morning and skip to work. Taking a day off even because I was sick was very uncommon back then.

Sadly that situation has changed.

Now, while I still enjoy being with the kids, while I still have some wonderful colleagues, my leads have changed and because they have their own styles, my some of my colleagues have changed too. Work is no longer a place I want to skip to, I find 1001 excuses NOT to go EVERY single morning. I still love teaching, I really do but it's just not the same anymore.

I used to think that because teaching is all about imparting knowledge to the kids, EYERONE will be kind enough to share ideas, share experiences and share love. To be a teacher, does one not have to be, at the very least interested in kids? These small adults, while rambunctious and crazy are rather quite good judge of characters. They can see through your crap quite instantaneously. I have many colleagues now, who don't even like kids. They don't even think that their kids deserve a smile from them. You tell me, Can?

I also have colleagues who join teaching to climb corporate ladder. That in itself is an oxymoron, doncha think? I know MOE is trying to corporatise schools. I see that in the workload but I don't see the leads equipped to be supportive of that kind of structure. I had thought Education is a public service, so what ladder is it that they want to climb? Rubbish!

With more corporatisation happening, more and more leads are losing heart. Not that the corporate shit is getting to them, but in trying to be keparat err..... corporate, they become ( in ahgeks's words ) cold hearted. Picture this, you have a 4 year old child, who is having her heart operated on, and when approached for leave, your lead tells you it's not fair for the class that you will be away. How? Can? Those kids in the class have their own parents..... what about your child? Should anything happen to your child on the OT, then it's ok, you have 30 more in the class.... Is it? What rubbish!!!! You have kids, where is that motherly instinct a woman should have? Have you no compassion????

Lost my faith in this profession, I have.

Sourpuss

Sourpusses, wet blankets, sour grapes or whatchamacallit are alive and working in my office.

I simply don't understand these people. YOU go aroung complaining about what others are doing to raise funds when these others don't even bother YOU with their work. YOU go around calling them KIASU when they are merely trying to go a little further with their efforts.

If YOU think they might raise more money than YOU, then do something about it lah. Stop BITCHING. Somewhat inclined to call you a bitch but that would be insulting bitches the world over.

I have mixed feelings about what kind of person YOU are. But after today, I know. YOU are just a mean, grumpy, selfish person. Luckily YOU are married, otherwise YOU will be one of those people who will end up with 40 cats or something. How unfortunate that will be for the cats.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Cravings

I have this craving for warm gooey choc fudge brownies with cold vanilla ice cream laced with hot fudge. Yumm..........

Anyone wanna take me out for some?

Be Positive

You just do not know much I want it to be just that.

The past 2 months have been jerking me around emotionally. I have not had my menses for these past 2 months. You'd think I'd be over the moon right? Armed with the highest of hopes and a long list of pregnant-esque symptoms, I went to see my gynae. I could almost hear it in my head,

Congrats! You're gonna be a mommy!!

But after I had a HCG test done, it came back negative. NEGATIVE. NADA. NOTHING. And just like that I was jerked back to reality. For the uninitited, a HCG test is a pregnancy test lah. So I sat quietly infront of my gynae, a major lump growing in my throat, fighting back tears that threatened to spray out of my eyes. My heart was broken.

I had hoped that after my last d&c, and when my menses seemed to have gotten it's groove back on track, I thought this time, I might have a chance. After 2 months of no show, I thought I do have a chance but sadly the test was not positive. My gynae then said that the test might not be accurate so she wants me to give it another month after which another test is to be administered and if it is still negative, she'll give me medication to make the menses come so that I can try to conceive all over again.

So now I'm back in my limbo again. Pregnant or not? God only knows. It's not easy being in limbo. Now I know how those spirits in The Ghost Whisperer feel. Heh.

Confound it!

*cough cough* sniff sniff* wheez wheez* I'm six feet under the weather. Flu, fever, cough, asthma, the works. A viral festival in my body.Never felt as bad as this before. To make things worse, I have green pills, big pills, small pills and repulsive tasting cough elixir to down. Eeughh! And to make things even more worse, MBB caught my bug, and now HE's sick. So now with nary an ounce energy or strength the both of us are in bed, surrounded with tissues and phlegm. What a way to go to spend the weekend...... *cough cough*

Oh That Monkey!

So that Joakim is still in the competition, thus depriving Gayle of her rightful place in the final 10. I seriously don't think Singaporeans understand what this competition is all about. It's about talent people, NOT how cute they are!!!

BAH!

Going Up?

I was at the lift going up to class last week when someone said this to me. " Be nice to everyone on your way up coz you'll never know who you'll meet on your way down".

Well. Ok. I thought hmmm, I have to be nice to people taking the lift with me? So coincidental to be telling me such at the lift right?

But anyhow, I reckon this person thinks that with my boss retiring in August, I might take over her duties. Frankly I'm not really interested. I'd rather spend more time with my kids, teaching than planning or doing the administrative duties. But it has made me think what kind of 'boss' I'd be. I'm very opinionated and when I don't like someone, I have no qualms showing it. I know a leader cannot be like that. But that is what I am.

I think being in a capacity of a leader, one must have a certain thickness of skin. One must be able to support one's team. One must be able to provide for one's team. One must know what's going on to be able to lead effectively. One must lead by example. One must be fair. One must know one's team and use each and every one of team's strengths to ensure that work is done effectively and the kids are not shortchanged. One must be able to speak up for one's team when the need arises. A leader is, after all, the voice of the team.

One must not continously taiqi one's responsibilty and call it grooming. One must not worry only about one's stomach at times when one's team is madly rushing to finish up work. One must not just stand by and entertain other people when one's team is struggling. One must not flog willing horses in one's department. One must not do nothing and then expect the team to do everything.

I was watching an episode of CSI 2 weeks back. In that episode, Grissom's team lost ALL evidence that they had collected at a crime scene. This was a big boo boo as it would impact the outcome of the case. A guilty man would walk free because they did not have the evidence to find out who he is. That 3 men team that lost the evidence knew that they were in big shit. They were put in a room. Then Grissom walked in. Instead of asking why, he sat and together they tried to figure out how to solve the problem that they had. While doing that, the powers that be in the department was coming down hard on the 3 people. Grissom did not falter and he stood by his team, helping them work out what they could to salvage the situation. At the end of the show, I thought, WOW! What a boss! If mine was such, I would give him my heart and soul.

It is not easy to find a good boss but I'm glad that I have friends who have become good bosses. To you guys, keep up the good work. To those who have yet to realise that being a leader is not just about getting a fatter paycheck and bossing people around, be nice to everyone when you are up there coz you'll never know who you'll meet on the way down.

Just pray that it's not me. Heh.

Love Actually

'This crazy little thing called love...' so echoes the legendary Freddie Mercury. I do think love is, actually, crazy. Was watching Mummy Returns on 5 just now and watched with a tear in my eye how Imothep gave up when his dead-then-resurrected-now-dead-again amore, Ank Su Nmun refused to help him. He cried and literally just gave up his grip on life by plunging himself into the depths of hell. He cried and so did I.

Aiyah, I cry at everything lah. I the very emotional one. Crying is an outlet for me. Sad, I cry. Angry, I cry. Happy, also I cry. But I digress.

My point is, everyone, from helpless babies to mushy teenagers to strong silent men has fallen in love at some point in time in their lives. So how do you show that you love someone? Eevy showed her love for Rick by battling with falling bits of a pyramid to save him into falling into the pits of hell. For the uninitiated, that was also from Mummy Returns. Will I do that? Errr.... why would MBB be in a pyramid to begin with?

There are many ways one can show love. Some people buy stuff. Buying love you say? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... You won't admit love you love me, but if you buy me stuff, are you saying just that?

When one sees a Keropi paraphernalia that a close friend likes or when a husband comes across a funky watch that his wife might like, or if he sees a bag that he knows she will just love, and goes on to get it for her, I think it's sweet. Does that show that he loves her? Well, at the very least he's thinking about her. And in my book, that's love.

MBB, this does not mean that you should now, at this very moment go and get me that ice cream in the fridge that I'm dying for. Heh.

Some people, profess their love verbally. They SAY it. Sometimes out loud. Used to go out with a guy who is like that. In the beginning I was rather taken by his sweet words but as the relationship got on the sweetness became diabetic. Too much. Made me doubt if he ever even meant it. Creep.

Some, they JUST DO IT. These people, probably get paid by NIKE. Heh, I am kidding. Seriously. I remember when my dad was still alive, my mum would do everything for him. Growing up I thought, eeee when I get married, I never want to take off my husband's socks for him.

The more I watched my mum, I slowly began to realise that my dad never really said thanx. You see, he's the strong silent, full of machismo, saying thanx to a woman would, God forbid, reduce his manliness type. But it also made me realise that he said thanx by buying her fav mee goreng sometimes, getting her a piece of jewellery when he had extra money, bringing her out on the weekends on his trusted scooter, spending time fixing her sewing machine, doing small odd jobs around the house and things like that.

So I realised that my mum and dad both understand each others' way of showing their love.This understanding made the relationship work.

I envy people who have that kind of an understanding. Not easy yes?

I guess I have yet to come to that understanding. To me, MBB not calling = MBB not thinking of me = MBB doesn't love me. How juvenile, yes? But that is how I would like MBB to show his love. I want him to talk to me all the time. Not that he doesn't. I know he would if he had the time.

Me, I enjoy buying stuff for MBB. When I see a shirt that I know he'll wear, I'll get it. If I come across some chocolate and cookies that I know he'll love, I'll buy a batch. That's how I show love. The best part about that? When MBB is so pleased with what I get him that he gives me a great big hug. I love the bear hugs I get frim him. Perfection will be if he could hold me all day............sigh..............

So, how do you show your love?

By the way, I do take MBB's socks off for him. Sometimes.

Bah!

I am not too concerned what people think.

I think it's just me.

I may be tactless, but I'm NOT tasteless.