Finally, It's Happened To Me!

Well well well, my lappie has crashed. Along with ALL my data, my pictures, my exam papers, my downloaded music, legal and otherwise. Aaaaarrgh!!! I do hope my Techie Yoda can salvage my darling lappie without my data being lost. Right now just a little apprehensive, ya know?

Very Proud, I Am

His shoulders were hunched and a look of sheer desperation and full fledged humiliation was splashed across his face. He did not have the dignity to look at us in the eye. His words were few and far in between. But that was then, feels like a lifetime ago. NOW, he is part of the elite 3Guards. This 18 year old has been through a lot. A LOT. While I hate what some people have done to him, I very resentfully have to, on hindsight, perhaps thank them for what they did to him. The ordeal that he has gone through, I pray to God no other persons have to experience. He managed to pull himself up and I hope, MBB and I had a teensy weensy bit part in that. He has definitely become a mature young adult who has his whole life in front of him. I hope he stays strong. If his strength of character and maturity is anything to go by, I am sure he will do just fine. I also hope that he knows that MBB and I will be there behind him. All the way, my dear.

Perhaps, this is God's way of letting me have a taste of what parents go through when their precious sons have to undergo NS. You think?

From A Distance

Yesterday saw me up and in school at 9am. A rarity in itself. But I got to meet Datin together with AhGek, we had breakfast. Nice. Lama dah tak buat macam tu.... Why was I in school yesterday? My department had a PSLE oral and parenting styles workshop. All in all it went quite ok, though some people will probably have much negative things to say. Rumah dah siap, pahat masih berbunyi....... To be expected lah.... I'd be surprised if it didn't....

The parenting bit of the workshop gave me a ta pau back that I think I should pay some attention to. It said, "Surround yourself with positive energies, if there are people who when they come to you are always whining and always full of complaints, if these people drag you down and drain you of your energy, DISTANCE YOURSELF."

Wise words. Zak, it's time, no?

This Crazy Little Thing Called Stress

Have you ever felt your chest so tight that you need to yell out LOUD to get some relief? Have you ever felt so frustrated that you just wanna punch the living daylights out of some people to regain your sanity? Have you ever wanted to bitch slap some people back to oblivion just to get then out of your hair? Have you ever wanted to literally kill some people because they just think that they are so damned bloody clever, that God-Help-Them they are the ONLY ones in this place who's working, that they are the ONLY ones who knows how to work? Have you ever just gotten the shit shocked out of you when some people can say one thing and then in the very same breath say a COMPLETELY different thing? Have you ever felt so desperate because you cannot just tell these people off that all you can do is cry very very angry tears?

If the answer to ALL these questions is YES, then you tell me lah, is it stress?

Dalla Sua Pace

I got this from the Story Teller....
Mozart's "Dalla Sua Pace", an aria from his opera "Don Giovanni"

The original Italian:
Dalla sua pace la mia dipende;
Quel che a lei piace vita mi rende,Quel che le incresce morte mi dà.
S'ella sospira, sospiro anch'io;È mia quell'ira, quel pianto è mio;
E non ho bene, s'ella non l'ha.

The English translation:
On her peace mine depends;
What makes her happy brings me life,
What makes her sad brings me death.
If she sighs, I sigh too;
It is mine that anger, those tears are mine;
And I have no peace if she does not.

How true I thought this is of my relationship with HER. Unfortunately, sometimes, in HER pursuit for harmony, for affirmation, I get rendered speechless... Sometimes, the people we love the most, are the most difficult to love.

Itchy Fingers

I'd like to think I'm this spontaneous-fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal. Maybe 5 years ago I probably was lah. Why, Mdm F was just remarking how reckless we were when we were younger. But since age and well, weight have caught up and and slowed me waaay down, I have, sadly become somewhat a stickler for all things routine. Heh..... Probably retribution for accusing Datin of being an obsessive compulsive all these years. So it is that now, I have this ability to realise just exactly when my barang has been changed or disturbed. So imagine how unsettling it was to find my seat at the office readjusted not once, not twice but EVERYTIME I got back to my seat! I mean, what gives.....?

To you who has been happiliy helping yourself to my seat, go on, use it, but just DON'T go and itchy fingers and adjust here and there lah!! Haiyah!

White Flag

With this I hereby announce, I officially give up. I'm done.

So Plastic

I'm so fake, I can't it believe myself.
All for HARMONY???

Aaaargh!!!!

That Which Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger

There are many things that people go through in life that either make or break them.

I mean, my life is brilliant right now, I have a really nice although messy hole in the sky that I call home, I have my mum, who is, other than the fact suffering from end-stage renal failure, a really great and strong woman whom I love to bits, I have my brother and sister whom i love terribly although they sometimes they are the ones who are the most difficult to love...heh. Then there is my husband, who is my pillar of strength, my conscience, my soul. The one who saves my from my endless sleepwalking escapades, who ends up not getting enough sleep as well.... and of course my wonderful extended family and friends.

I have a great and wonderful but thankless job that I unfortunately love. Nothing picks me up like when the kids' faces suddenly lights up when something I just said makes sense to them. As I said, my life is brilliant.

Recently I met someone.

I am very dismayed at how not strong the person is. Especially in the capacity that this person is in. I had an encounter with this person that makes me question how this person makes decision. Then another incident happened and this person never bounced back from it. I know I probably don't have the whole story, but to my understanding, this incident led to this person completely giving up. I mean GIVE UP. If it is just because of that, I ought to give this person a kick in his John Brown hind parts.

The following may sound like I'm whining, but let me assure you that IT IS NOT a journey of resentment. I lost my dad ( read: he died ) my only ally, when I was 14. I had to work and put myself through school. Sure, I became an idiotic teen, but which adolescent didn't? Then when I grew up and finally started working, I thought I can finally let my mum enjoy life after having to work so hard when my dad died. Then we found out that she has end stage renal failure! Imagine what a blow that was. I really thought that she was going to die. So now, other than the stresses of work, I have a bag of worry EVERYTIME she goes for her dialysis on tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays. The dialysis nurses always tell me that there had been cases where patients just collapse and die during dialysis because their hearts cannot take it. So much for comforting me right??? Let's not even get started on the financial implications of her treatments.

Then I had 3 miscarriages. Effectively, I would have had 3 kids, the oldest would have been 5 this year. Then I found that I have diabetes. Then we found out that MBB's nose isn't working so well and is in dire need of an overhaul. Sigh.... They say when it rains, it pours huh?

Now, if I had let all these get me down, I probably would have died already. So when I heard the reason this person just wants to give up, I completely lost all respect for him. If everytime something difficult comes around, you run, then, my dear, you will be running for the rest of your life.

Well I wish you all the best. May your life be easier from here on.

Boys in Da Club

Look at these 2 boys....they're six now and that's them celebrating their birthday. At Raffles Town Club no less. My first party at a country club..... Ooooohhh.... Pool party some more....hehe. I hope they like their gifts. I had a headache when buying their gifts, I mean, seriously, what do you get 2 boys who has practically everything??? Anyhow, when invited to this swanky soiree, I decided to bring along my 2 lovelies.

They had fun. I know it'll be an experience for them. They had so much fun that they refused to get out of the pool when it came time to go. So now I owe them a trip to the pool. When we decided to take them and was allowed to, we rented a family car, packed them into it and made a day of it. I was happy. It felt like I had a real family. It felt like i was just like my other friends who all brought their broods to the party.

I just realised that after a while, all the little broods all joined up and became 1 big party!

So cute that they all ended up wearing blue swimsuits... Anyhow, I was happy, I was 'mummy' for the day. But it also mad me very sad. It just reminded me of what I don't have. It reminded me of what everyone has and that I don't. It made me very very sad. Sigh....
I love MBB and how he understands when I get upset about that which I don't have. I love it when he tells me that as long as there's the two of us, we've got the world and all it's charms...... as long as there's the two of us.

Maybe Baby

Congrats to CPL and Lynn for being preggers!! I want some baby dust sprinkled on to me too..... But I think, maybe I'd need to be swimming in the baby dust. Heh. I think I need to try and let it go. I think I need to begin to accept that I may not be receiving that joyful bundle after all. I think I need to just live and let live.

I think I need to pester MBB for a baby. The four-wheeled kind. Heheh...

Not Ready To Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting...

Words of the Dixie Chicks ring in my ear. That's precisely what me and MBB are feeling at this moment. We have apparently been big fat suckers. Doesn't it suck when the realisation hits you right between the eyes? You just realise what a fool you've been all this time. So now with nary a shred of dignity, I do pull out from this very very deceptively warm and loving realtionship. So now with the heaviest of heart, I do say Thank You.

Never again. Even though I really love the 2 small ones, NEVER AGAIN.

Perceptions

Perceptions can work to you advantage. Or not. 10 years ago i would not have given two hoots to what others' perceptions of me would be, but now, it is a completely different situation. I do give 2 hoots how people perceive me. In fact I give many hoots lah. I do hope that with this reappearance, people will not assume to liken us. I'd just hate that. We are 2 very very very different people ok!

Yummy

I am having a huge craving for this.

Chicken anyone?

Cheesed Off!

As I have said before, there is a certain limit to the amount of crap that I can entertain from people, and for this particular group of people, I have increased that limit possibly 10 fold. I think before crap hits the ceiling, I'm not doing this anymore. I hate the way you make me and MBB feel inadequate about ourselves, well, more MBB than me lah. I have very thick skin, if you'd care to look close enough. You people don't know very much and it's disturbingly disgusting how with little knowledge you act like Mr-and-Mrs-Know-It-All. My crappy dears, a little ( in your case, very very very little ) knowledge is a bloody dangerous thing.

All I want to say to you now is, Good Luck, May you prosper in how small you are.

Back To Basics

MBB has gone back to operations. That means he's solving the problems and issues that arise in relation to the servers and whatever program platforms this Citibank has. That means irregular hours. That means LONG, LATE, irregular hours. That means not seeing muchof MBB on weekdays. That means CONSTANT and MANY smses. That means highly likely I-GOTTA-GO-BACK-TO-WORK weekends. That means MBB tired most days. THIS SUCKS!

Wish I May Wish I Might - Part 2

That one particular person, these also I like. Heh.

All, available at Tiffany&Co.

Hint, hint, hint.......

Wish I May, Wish I Might

If any particular person wants to know, I love this.

Hint, hint...

Men Oh Men Oh Me Oh My!

I love MBB, I really do. But last night, I surrendered myself to another. 4 others to be exact. They just simply took my breath away. They were so .... yummy. *wink* It was a surreal experience for me. Never before had 4 men given such pleasure... All at the same time some more.... Heh, it was somewhat an orgasmic experience. An aural orgasm... Please lah, don't be so twisted. I'm not as exciting as THAT.

But last night, THIS gave me a super high. I actually saw these 4 handsomely beautiful men. Of course 'saw' is a relative word lah but I saw them. I was seated to the right of the stage on the balcony. We had quite a good view of them. Apart from the fact that the seats were a bit small ( actually, we all know it's not the seats that are small lah huh ), I had a great time. The acompanying music was superb, especially the drummer, I thought and as it turned out he WAS the musical director of the concert. No wonder so good lah, director you!

But what impressed me the most was how effortless these guys made operatic singing seem. There were no gimmicks, no pyrotechnics, no wadrobe malfunctions -although a wadrobe malfunction by these guys would have made my day :) Their whole performance was simply just about their voices and their voices were mighty fine. Yours truly was very very impressed. Till next time boys, somewhere... somehow...

So Far So Good

It's been 18 days since 07 has come around. So far so good. Pretty much settled into work. I have managed to get into a system where I will not be overwhelmed with 3 x 40 compo scripts at any 1 time. My only hope is that I am able to sustain this order I have created. Heh.

My classes are alright. My senior class while very resistant initially are now a joy to be with. Granted that they are a little slow and NOT AT ALL prepared for the major exam they are to sit for, they are definitely very very willing to learn. I thought it a bit wierd that they are so clueless about their major exam. Sigh, poor kids, but we all know who ought to be shot right?

My middle class are my darling from last year,so they are very in tune with my style of teaching. So quite easy fo me to instruct them. Now that I think about it, my middle class is more atuned to the fact that they will be sitting for PSLE.......

My junior class is just the best. I love them, going into that class makes me happy. I taught some of them when they were just starting out and getting them again is great!

BTW, I have an interesting evening planned out tonight......

I had the opportunity to drive around last weekend. It was a wonderful feeling! I enjoyed it so much, I did not want to return the car. This coming weekend, managed to rent another car, so off I go again!! Hurray!!

I was informed that our MT dept will have another Immersion. I have another shot at China again!!

Well, as I have said, so far s good!!