Monday, January 23, 2006

The Plus Side of Plus

The plus point of being plus sized is that no one realises that you can ever be sad. How on earth can that rotund, jolly person be, God Forbid!, upset? Simply by nature of size, the expectation is that he's a jolly good fellow.... they even wrote a song about that.

But I am upset.

In fact I have not been able to shake off this depression. The reason? A sinking feeling that I will never have children. I have been given loads of advice on this subject matter. From losing weight to IVF to a makcik telling me that i'm doing it wrong..... After consulting with an ob-gyn, both MBB and I have been certified as normal.... So after 2 miscarriages, i wrote it off to health issues. But it has been a year and a half since the last miscarriage and i have yet to receive any good news from my tum tum......

At this point in time, I'm at a crossroad. I cannot decide if I just want to let it go and let time and fate decide if I'll ever have my bundle of joy or if I should be more aggresive in getting that bundle. I really do not know.

I went shopping last a few weeks back to get a baby gift for my cousin whose bundle will ETA on the 11th of February. While I was happy for them, only God knows how sad I was in my heart.

So lost, I am.

No comments: