I'm a little broken today.
Somewhere along the way in 05, I made some unforgivable errors. This has resulted in me having tea with my bosses but the absence of the tea was overwhelming. As a result of that, I was given a letter to warn me to not repeat anymore of such mistakes. I understand the need to shock me into seeing how necessary it is for me to NOT make them, hence the need for this letter of warning.
What happened today, I was not prepared for. Beacuse of the mistakes I made, I did not get some monetary rewards that I was somewhat expecting. Granted, no performance bonus, sure since i apparently did not perform. But when i got the news that i won't be getting any part of the plan today, it broke me a little. Sigh....
My immediate reaction was Bloody Hell! Who the hell do they think hey are to take my money away from me?!!! What right do they have?!! I need the money you know!!
Then I thought, aiyah , maybe i don't deserve that money since i didn't do my job well.
Then I also thought, somebody also never do their work well. But somebody got away with it. Somebody didn't do somebody's job, so my mistakes was not realised till it was too late. In fact I was doing this somebody's job... Maybe I was too stretched? But whatever it is I do acknowledge it was my error. I should have been more careful. But all this time I was working under a false sense of security of the vetting process. If somebody had done her job and vetted my work, wouldn't mistakes be discovered and necessary action taken?
Sigh... I dunno lah....
Then I thought again when I was given the warning letter, I was told that it would be kept in my confi file. Now, it's sent up to MOE. Why say one thing and do another? Teruk lah. I was so wanting that money to go for a short break. Macam taik betullah. If they had wanted to sent it up to MOE, then say lah jadi aku tak mengharap. Bodoh betul. Akulah yang bodoh. Too trusting. Sekarang, padan muka aku.
Dah lah, Enough is enough. This year, korang korang dalam Jabatan aku, pandai pandai lah do your own thing. Make sure you check and check and check and oh did I mention check your work? Because I don't want to help anymore. This year it's my big butt that I'm going to be quite busy covering. It's my work yang aku nak jaga this year. Apa nak jadi, jadilah.
Now, I want to go and cari my 'superglue' to fix me self. Where or where shall I go get my superglue?
Another thing, the cause of my being broken has made me broke. Ain't it funny?