It has been a long long week. I'm physically, mentally and psychologically tired. There is just so much to do. It's my job, so it's my responsibility but there's just so much to do.
I miss my husband. He has had a longer more stressful week than me. I miss having him hold me till I fall asleep. I miss our pillow talk and bear hugs. I miss him.
I miss my mummy. I miss seeing her. I miss her cooking. I miss my baby sister. I miss our time out together.
I miss what could have been my baby.
But I don't miss this dull ache I have in my head, my body, my abdomen...... my heart.
I need a break. I just want to sleep it all away. All of it. The pain, the ache, the depression. Please God, please make it all go away.
I know that I will be ok.
I'm not alone in being busy at work. Most of my colleagues are busy too. Only some colleagues are fortunate enough to be able to finish their work and leave school by 2pm. To one particular colleague, I have this to say to you.
I understand that extra work given may be difficult for you to take but IT IS your job and responsibility. I'm sorry you were informed at the last minute but don't you realise that with an incompetent leader, we have always been asked to do last minute work?
I know you are probably pissed off at having to do this last minute work. But you don't have to do it from scratch. You are merely just adding on or changing around the existing piece of work, even if it ran the risk of the parents having seen it before. Even then, it was poorly done. I had to make changes to it.
I know you are concerned that your kids would have no help preparing. Do we look heartless to you? Whatever you had asked us to do, did you not realise that we had our commitments as well?
I know you are not well, but you were overbearing. You demanded things be done without realising we had things to do as well. You demanded things be done like we owed it to you to do. At one point, you insulted me even. How can you ask for help and insult me in the same space?
I'm not going to say anything to you about it. I'm not going to react to it. I'll just keep mum. My new reaction to anger.
Say hello to it.