Boys in Da Club

Look at these 2 boys....they're six now and that's them celebrating their birthday. At Raffles Town Club no less. My first party at a country club..... Ooooohhh.... Pool party some more....hehe. I hope they like their gifts. I had a headache when buying their gifts, I mean, seriously, what do you get 2 boys who has practically everything??? Anyhow, when invited to this swanky soiree, I decided to bring along my 2 lovelies.

They had fun. I know it'll be an experience for them. They had so much fun that they refused to get out of the pool when it came time to go. So now I owe them a trip to the pool. When we decided to take them and was allowed to, we rented a family car, packed them into it and made a day of it. I was happy. It felt like I had a real family. It felt like i was just like my other friends who all brought their broods to the party.

I just realised that after a while, all the little broods all joined up and became 1 big party!

So cute that they all ended up wearing blue swimsuits... Anyhow, I was happy, I was 'mummy' for the day. But it also mad me very sad. It just reminded me of what I don't have. It reminded me of what everyone has and that I don't. It made me very very sad. Sigh....
I love MBB and how he understands when I get upset about that which I don't have. I love it when he tells me that as long as there's the two of us, we've got the world and all it's charms...... as long as there's the two of us.

Maybe Baby

Congrats to CPL and Lynn for being preggers!! I want some baby dust sprinkled on to me too..... But I think, maybe I'd need to be swimming in the baby dust. Heh. I think I need to try and let it go. I think I need to begin to accept that I may not be receiving that joyful bundle after all. I think I need to just live and let live.

I think I need to pester MBB for a baby. The four-wheeled kind. Heheh...

Not Ready To Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting...

Words of the Dixie Chicks ring in my ear. That's precisely what me and MBB are feeling at this moment. We have apparently been big fat suckers. Doesn't it suck when the realisation hits you right between the eyes? You just realise what a fool you've been all this time. So now with nary a shred of dignity, I do pull out from this very very deceptively warm and loving realtionship. So now with the heaviest of heart, I do say Thank You.

Never again. Even though I really love the 2 small ones, NEVER AGAIN.

Perceptions

Perceptions can work to you advantage. Or not. 10 years ago i would not have given two hoots to what others' perceptions of me would be, but now, it is a completely different situation. I do give 2 hoots how people perceive me. In fact I give many hoots lah. I do hope that with this reappearance, people will not assume to liken us. I'd just hate that. We are 2 very very very different people ok!

Yummy

I am having a huge craving for this.

Chicken anyone?

Cheesed Off!

As I have said before, there is a certain limit to the amount of crap that I can entertain from people, and for this particular group of people, I have increased that limit possibly 10 fold. I think before crap hits the ceiling, I'm not doing this anymore. I hate the way you make me and MBB feel inadequate about ourselves, well, more MBB than me lah. I have very thick skin, if you'd care to look close enough. You people don't know very much and it's disturbingly disgusting how with little knowledge you act like Mr-and-Mrs-Know-It-All. My crappy dears, a little ( in your case, very very very little ) knowledge is a bloody dangerous thing.

All I want to say to you now is, Good Luck, May you prosper in how small you are.

Back To Basics

MBB has gone back to operations. That means he's solving the problems and issues that arise in relation to the servers and whatever program platforms this Citibank has. That means irregular hours. That means LONG, LATE, irregular hours. That means not seeing muchof MBB on weekdays. That means CONSTANT and MANY smses. That means highly likely I-GOTTA-GO-BACK-TO-WORK weekends. That means MBB tired most days. THIS SUCKS!

Wish I May Wish I Might - Part 2

That one particular person, these also I like. Heh.

All, available at Tiffany&Co.

Hint, hint, hint.......

Wish I May, Wish I Might

If any particular person wants to know, I love this.

Hint, hint...

Men Oh Men Oh Me Oh My!

I love MBB, I really do. But last night, I surrendered myself to another. 4 others to be exact. They just simply took my breath away. They were so .... yummy. *wink* It was a surreal experience for me. Never before had 4 men given such pleasure... All at the same time some more.... Heh, it was somewhat an orgasmic experience. An aural orgasm... Please lah, don't be so twisted. I'm not as exciting as THAT.

But last night, THIS gave me a super high. I actually saw these 4 handsomely beautiful men. Of course 'saw' is a relative word lah but I saw them. I was seated to the right of the stage on the balcony. We had quite a good view of them. Apart from the fact that the seats were a bit small ( actually, we all know it's not the seats that are small lah huh ), I had a great time. The acompanying music was superb, especially the drummer, I thought and as it turned out he WAS the musical director of the concert. No wonder so good lah, director you!

But what impressed me the most was how effortless these guys made operatic singing seem. There were no gimmicks, no pyrotechnics, no wadrobe malfunctions -although a wadrobe malfunction by these guys would have made my day :) Their whole performance was simply just about their voices and their voices were mighty fine. Yours truly was very very impressed. Till next time boys, somewhere... somehow...

So Far So Good

It's been 18 days since 07 has come around. So far so good. Pretty much settled into work. I have managed to get into a system where I will not be overwhelmed with 3 x 40 compo scripts at any 1 time. My only hope is that I am able to sustain this order I have created. Heh.

My classes are alright. My senior class while very resistant initially are now a joy to be with. Granted that they are a little slow and NOT AT ALL prepared for the major exam they are to sit for, they are definitely very very willing to learn. I thought it a bit wierd that they are so clueless about their major exam. Sigh, poor kids, but we all know who ought to be shot right?

My middle class are my darling from last year,so they are very in tune with my style of teaching. So quite easy fo me to instruct them. Now that I think about it, my middle class is more atuned to the fact that they will be sitting for PSLE.......

My junior class is just the best. I love them, going into that class makes me happy. I taught some of them when they were just starting out and getting them again is great!

BTW, I have an interesting evening planned out tonight......

I had the opportunity to drive around last weekend. It was a wonderful feeling! I enjoyed it so much, I did not want to return the car. This coming weekend, managed to rent another car, so off I go again!! Hurray!!

I was informed that our MT dept will have another Immersion. I have another shot at China again!!

Well, as I have said, so far s good!!

A Good Sign

Leaky noses, scratchy throats and long unruly hair,( MBB's, not mine ) made our New Year somewhat not-so-hot. After cups of tea and many,many anti-histamines later, we were feeling quite the miserable. But as I lay on my couch, cocooned in my anti dustmite comforter from Ausinno, MBB got a little shock as I squealed excitedly while pointing outside my window.

This was the cause of my excitement.



Isn't it just gorgeous? MBB says it's a good sign. I hope he's right.

Goodbye 06, Heloooo 07!

2007 has started on a Monday. It will end on a Monday too. There are NO public holidays on Sundays. This year also has the highest number of Saturdays and Sundays in recent times. So, come on now, enjoy 2007, probably the shortest working year in your life!

Happy New Year!

Big Jolt

We had a staff meeting followed by the various committee meetings this morning. What a big jolt back to reality. Much to be done. Felt somewhat unreal. As Fiza quite aptly puts it, she's in denial. Heh.

Got a new leader today, positive vibes all around. A gesture made showed that he has the makings of a leader who does not only think of himself. Looking foward to working with him.

Well, 2007, may you bring with you blessings and the much needed changes.

I Did It!

I woke up to a snoring husband, a stiff neck and a really groggy head and after looking out of my window, a very very very heavy heart. It was raining... Noooo...

And so it was that I prepared for my final lesson and my test sans the butterfly soiree in the stomach this time but more of a dread. Why did it have to rain again?! The now-no-longer-snoring husband tried to comfort me. So sayang I of him but unless he can stop the rain, I was considering not even going.

And so it was that I told myself to heck it and just go. Rain and all.

And so it is, after 32 lessons albeit 1920 buckeroos, after a kerby during the first attempt, of which I of course failed, after 2 insructors and after buckets of rain, yours truly finally did it. Proud of myself, I am. Something long overdue this is.

Happy birthday my Mak Sayang. I know your many many doa helped. I hope this is as wonderful a gift as I can ever give you.

Ayang, I know we agreed on 2008, but ah, my hands very the gatal.... *wink*

My Gastronomic Getaway

I had loads to write about my getaway to KL. But I thought I'd tease a little first. More to come...

You Know You're In Malaysia When.....

You know you're in Malaysia when pakciks old enough to be your father calls you kakak.

You know you're in Malaysia when every kilometer or so, you gotta fork out coins to pay the toll.

You know you're in Malaysia when ladies are so particular about donning the tudung, but hey, it's perfectly ok to wear capped sleeves and show more skin especially by wearing low necklines and even lower rise jeans.

You know you're in Malaysia when you're in a major department during the Christmas season surrounded by Zara, Prada, Coach, Tod's, Gucci and more and yet Lovehunters' music wafts through the air.

You know you're in Malaysia when you're along a major expressway and on a road sign, you see ' RESTORAN AH CIK, IKUT KIRI'

You know you're in Malaysia when you're in a restaurant and gets served only 1 glass of water when there's obviously the 2 of you.

You know you're in Malaysia when you have to ask 3 people before you get 2 slices of lemon.

You know you're in Malaysia when after the water and lemon fiasco, they still screw up your bill.

You know you're in Malaysia when it cost 20 cents for a third person to sit in a cab and 40 cents for a fourth.

But.... if MBB gets posted there, I'll be so the happy. Almost everything is Halal you!

Say Cheese!

I found me a new toy to tinker with this hols! It has gotten me ooh-so-excited!! Espcially after that very UNsatisfying photoshop affair...I had actually thought you'd have to own a polaroid to do this but guess what? You DON'T!! Like the collage? That's my first product. So cool!!

On a different note, I managed to convince MBB to let me whisk him away for a short getaway. Just to say thanx for tolerating my countless mood swings and whinings and crying and being depressed... I love him to bits that man.Thanx for taking the time out Ayang...the 2.2 thingy was also a contributing factor lah. If got time but no money, also no point, no?

Lovely Cuppies

I got these for my nieces' birthday. They are absolutely yummy!! The previous ones I got had hard icing. But these had soft soft icing that just complements the not so sweet cake bit of the cuppy. So sedap!! Anyone interested, go visit her very happy website.

An Update

I'm on my year end break now. Many, many things have happened since. Some good, some, well.... not so.

The PSLE results came out. My kids did very well. As a class, we scored 6A* and 26 As. I am truly truly proud of them. I think our hard work paid off guys! Can't say the same for 3 of my Higher Malay kids though. Sigh... They should have listened to me when I told them to drop it. Aaargh!!

My niece who is in P1 has managed to score Band 1 in all her subjects! Very,very proud of her. So in conjunction with her birthday, we bought her Mary Jane Crocs and a cllection of well loved Ladybird series books. She must've been upset with the books coz she was more interested in the pink bow we had stuck on the books.

At least they were excited about the crocs. MBB got me a pair too!! I like... makes me feet look very girl.

Then I went on a night tour. With Datin Paduka Baginda. We went to Mt Faber, Esplanade, Mustaffa Centre. Then we had shiok supper of satay and chicken rice at Lau Pa Sat. Then we went vegetable shopping at the Pasir Panjang Wholesale. Let me tell you, it was an experience. It was wonderful. We got to buy very very fresh vegetables at very very cheap prices. It was really fresh. Though I got the impression that the sellers were not too happy with selling such a small quantity of vegetables to us. Heh. What made it worse was that I forgot to take pictures. So busy with my veg, I was. Then we went to Jurong Fishery Port. Horror stories of how smelly it was gonna be preceded the place. But when we got there, safe for few sections outside the main market, it didn't smell at all. The sight that met me gave me quite a shock. There were hundreds of huge fish that was very neatly arranged on the floor! There were bins after bins of fish and prawns. They were quite cheap. I bought a kilo of prawns and ikan kembung. Incidentally, my ikan kembung has already been used to make my very successful ikan sumbat sambal. Heh. After marketing, we ended our night... err.. morning at Al-Azhar with prata and drinks. We also tried to figure out if the people at the table next to ours were loan sharks as in thepeople who actually owns the money. As it turned out, Datin saw one of them peeing by the side of the road. Heh.

Know Them

I read this at PostSecret. It's quite scary when you realise that the person behind the voice might be that very quiet student of yours. Simply because the fella is well behave and presents no behavioural problem whatsoever even when taunted by friends, does not mean the fella is coping well. Although it actually might, but it can also mean thatt the fella is afraid to speak up. In my line of work, I have to constantly remind myself to KNOW my pupils.

Georgia On My Mind

See that girl in white? I miss her. Terribly. Especially during the Raya season like this. Wished she was here. If she were, I could've gone and gotten me some kuih tetek. I know, Don't Ask! But them kuihs are damned shiok. Actually I miss her whole family lah.

Introduction's in order I guess... The guy behind her is her laling husband, Sean. The young girl in front of her is Elza, her cousin. The gorgeous lady seated in front is Aunty Suliah with Aaron and Leslie. They are gorgeous kids aren't they? Although their mommy calls them monsters. What goes around comes around lah babe.... you also monster what.... heh.

I'm really looking forward to their coming down in May. She had better come and see me..... If finances allow, maybe MBB and I can follow you home eh?

I See You!

We got ourselves a web cammie! So fun! Now I can talk to Has AND see her all the way in Athens. Hooray!! We spent quite some time being silly. The cammie also has a photo function. Sekali sekala perangai macam budak kecik tu macam seronok kan? Thanx Ayang for getting me the cammie! I absolutely love it!

Things That Make You Go Hmmm

Some people are just so unprofessional.

Something Meaningful

Read this today while waiting for buka. Very meaningful I thought. So share lah...

“Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,

not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.”

~khalil gibran

on children.

the prophet, 1923

So Happy!

I just found out during the marking exercise that the great big soon-to-be-opened IKEA at Tampines will have a HALAL restaurant!!

I finally get to eat Swedish Meatballs after years of whiffs. Had even considered going to Dubai for a taste. Now, no need lah.... Hurray!!

Cannot wait. IKEA Tampines, better, faster open soon ok?

So Penat!

It's day 2 of the PSLE marking. After 2 days of sitting down for 2-3 hours on end, my butt has officially lost it's loving feeling. I'm tired.

And I still have 2 days to go.

Sigh...

So Sedap!

I brought MBB here on Wednesday for Iftar. The great concept design, excellent food, efficient service made MBB's dining experience very the truly pleasureable. Too bad about the price though. Had to dig deep into my pockets. At $58+++ a pop, I kept insisting that MBB ate our money's worth. Usually at $38+++, the price was increased with the inclusion of a Middle Eastern/Mediterranean spread for the Ramadhan Buffet.

There was a great variety of fare available. More than the lunch spread apparently. Throughout dinner MBB was trying to explain to me why he felt the price was so. It was all about the ingredients he said. I had to agree lah. They used the freshest raw stuff to prepare their food. From the lamb chops to the Min Chiang Kueh to the coconut sorbet. They were so sedap.

The Mid.East/ Mediterranean spread was interesting. While most dishes came with names I had never heard of, they had the better known shawarma, falafel, humus and stuff like that. They also had something that I had ony heard of. They had Babaganoush. I was tickled pink when I read the name.It was actually a thick sauce of eggplant, sesame seeds, tahini, olive oil, lemon, and garlic. While I was excited to finally find out what babaganoush was, I was not too keen to taste it. It looked quite gross. Heh. I also had Buddha Jumps Over The Wall. That was a first for me too. How it tasted? Hmmm..... it was alright I guess. I liked the stock it was cooked in. Very fresh.

Well, we are looking forward to going there again, in November when my SIL celebrates her birthday. She's finally gonna get to eat her duck. Yaay!!

I hoped MBB enjoyed dinner and I think he did. If his purring everytime I rubbed his...... err.....tum tum was anything to go by, I think he definitely did.

* WINK *

C'est La Vie

I have a craving for this.

Aren't they just gorgeous. Ayang, maybe this weekend we'll do grilled seafood for Iftar, yes? I like the fasting month. Apart from the miniscule and however negligible weight loss, this fasting month actually makes most Muslim families sit down together to break fast. Something the Chinese folks have been practising for ages. It's a wonderful thing, sit down dinners. Brings the family close if not closer. Family members talk about each other's day, what their highs and lows of the day were, basically just communicating. How nice.

For me, breaking fast could have been a terrible experience. While I'm in Chicago ( read: Choa Chu Kang ), MBB's in Tasmanania ( read: Tampines ) Hehe... Well, it might as well have been Chicago and Tanzania since we're not together. Luckily I have my mummy. She is Godsend. Despite her dialysis, she still will preapare food for us. Great food by the way.... On most days I will be at her place breaking fast with her and my baby sister. Sometimes it upsets me that MBB breaks his fast at his desk in his office with just a cup of coffee and an OCK curry puff. So it is that tomorrow, MBB and I will have our first buka out together! I am excited. Feels a little like going on a first date...

Some people should learn to appreciate their families more. Some others should be thankful for having easy lives and wonderful families and NOT rub it in our faces. I have come to a realization that I actually do know some really conceited, I'm-better-than-you-I-have-everything-You will-never-have-anything kind of people. Well, c'est la vie. I'm just thankful for my life.

Drowning

I'm so overwhelmed it's difficult to breathe.

I need a breather.

I need a break. Especially from some people.

I need something to happen to restore my faith in people who the kids call T-E-A-C-H-E-R.

Please, let it be soon.

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Where: At my desk, in my study
When: Abt 1.45 am
What: 3 stacks of mock exam papers staring me in the eye.

Instead of finishing the compo strewn all in front of me, courtesy of my fan, I decided to berangan ( Malay for building sandcastles in the air.) So I started surfing the internet. Note to self : NEVER have the laptop set up when piles of marking are just waiting to be marked. Anyhoo, then I thought, what car do I want when I eventually get 1? So off to car manufacturers' websites I surfed. Then I saw this and immediately fell in love.

Drool............

Ramadhan Is Coming

The fasting month is barely a week away. I like this month-long abstinence from food glorious food. It not only gives my digestive system a rest, it'll also give my purse a break. I have come to a realisation that I spend A LOT of moolah on food. I also like it as it will make my blood sugar readings really low. Explains why I like seeing my GP for my diabetes assessment during this period. Heh. This month-long refrain from food also will make me lose some weight..... I think maybe I will document my weight loss progress when the fasting starts....

Came across this poster announcing the coming of Ramadhan. I really like it.

For the uninitiated, in the Islamic faith, Satan, said to be the root of all evil, will return to hell for a vacation during the month of Ramadhan. So whatever wrongdoings and sins committed by Muslims in this month, will be credited fully to themselves.

Well, to all my soon to be fasting friends.... Happy Fasting!!

Pot unLucky

Bringing food to a potluck is always a gamble. This weekend, my pot, was really unlucky. Excpet for MBB, no one else touched it. Notwithstanding my rather yummy pasta, no one touched it. It then occured to me that one should just be minutely courteous and just 'taste' it. Rasa je. Nevermind that I had spent about 3 hours prepring the damnned pasta. It would be nice to just acknowledge my efforts by taking some of it and putting it on your plate and then just poke it around with your fork. You don't even have to actually eat it.

So much for courtesy.

With that they have catapulted themselves into a whole new playing field, The Out Laws.

Sigh...Mr Kerby Got The Best Of Me

The rain, the nerves, ooh the nerves, the fever and the diarrhea all got to me.

Then again, no excuses. I did do the KERBY. While inside some more..... chet!

Ok. 3 months to go.

It's Just Nerves

6 is the number of times I could not breathe.

4 is the number of times I crapped.

4 is also the number of times I almost vomitted.

2 is the number of times I actually did.

I have never been THIS nervous.

Tsk tsk tsk tsk.

Butterfly Flutter By

I am nervous.

The diarrhoea, the crampy stomach sure as hell are not helping. You know the feeling you get when your teacher says "See me after school!" during the first period? That horrid sense of foreboding, not knowing what punishment will be meted out to you? Double, no quadruple that and you'll know how exactly how I feel.

I wonder if the fella will let me stop to crap.

Nevermind Lah

Does it not just suck when things don't go the way you plan?

Sigh...

Come on, time to find a new distraction!

Oh Yas!

Was very very the impressed by this.

Then this came along and wowed me.

Now she's teasing me with this.


Faster, faster release it here first, ok?

Lazy Saturday

MBB and I decided that we were not going to do anything remotely related to work today. So I decided that I was going to satisfy myself.... with a long time craving.

We went to NYDC @ Wheelock and had the jazzy brownie. Exactly the way I had wanted it. The brownie was soft, warm and chocful with pecan. The ice cream was cold and milky french vanilla. The drizzle was warm, thick choc fudge which melted into the ice cream. Very light whipped cream, handful of peanut bits and a fresh half cherry topped the whole thing off. I was in heaven! It was yummy, yummy, yummy and I was one satisfied woman. Heh. It will be a long time before I will want another brownie.

After that, we spent some time getting lost @ BORDERS. I love that place. Makes me feel clever. Heh. Got me a Torey Hayden. MBB got the collection of jokes and humorous anecdotes from Reader's Digest. We then went to this place. This place is new but it was so cosy with many armchairs. When we saw a corner being freed up, yours truly quickly went to settle herself there. After we settled down, MBB went to order our drinks. We decided to go with fruity drinks instead of our usual fixes.

That's our drinks with MBB's book. While we were surveying the surroundings, MBB looked up and saw this.

So pretty. Apparently the whole 'roof' of Milennia Walk is made up of many of these 'funnel' like thingies. I took this picture by simply looking up from my super comfy armchair. Incidentally, all pictures in this blog were taken by MBB's Motorola Razor V3X. Resolution's quite good. After we were done being in awe of this architectural amazement, MBB quickly started on his book while I, continued taking pictures. Heh. I like lah.

Thanx Ayang for a wonderfully lazy today.

Singapore Idol

I was watching SUPERNOVA on 18 and suddenly thought with dismay what a joke our Singapore Idol is. Everything about it is a joke. Everything. From the hosts to the judges to the fans and of course to the biggest joke of all, the contestants, with a few exceptions. Let me give you a blow by blow account of my claim.

There's 2 hosts. Whatever for? I think Gurmit has done a fairly good job of it last year, so why do we need Daniel the POSER Ong this year? What is up with the inconsistent American accent? and do you realise that he asks the same questions to every contestant? Any idiot can do that. Even the next Singapore Idol can do that. Err... who? The next Singapore Idol? Who else? Joakim Gomez lah. I think Gurmit should be the only one hosting this programme. Although he mispronounces a lot of words, he has the depth and experience to always play off the person he's talking to and asks questions relevant to that person. Dan Ong on the other hand, should just stick to radio.

What is with the judges and their trying-too-hard-to be-clever comments? Especially Ja. I like her but she's got to realise that her wit falls on deaf ears. Our audience are simply NOT astute enough to understand her sarcasm and double meaning. I think Florence is tone deaf. The fact that she 'actually enjoyed' Joakim's performances makes me doubt her credibility. I think Dick could do well to just say what he really means. But the lamest has got to be Ken lah. I mean he claims to be straight up, frank and tell the truth. I don't see him living up to that at all. Why does he not just say that Joakim cannot sing and that he is a joke to this competition? And week after week he does nothing but puts Hady down. Last night he called hady's performance a dime in a dozen. The saying is 'A DIME A DOZEN'. Get it right Mr Lim! Does he not realise that by saying that, he's saying that EVERYONE'S performance was the same as Hady's? Wake up and face the music!

The mosh pit should be called the swamp pit and the fans in it, swamp things. Why? Cos they never know when they should shut their mouths. While the contestants are doing their do, these 'fans' should shut up so everyone can hear them. So the judges can actually hear how bad Joakim is. Enough with all the incessant yelling and screaming. These fans should also start choosing and supporting the contestants who can actually sing. Come on fans, this IS a SINGING competition. The people who are safe each week are mostly people who CANNOT sing. Are our standards that low? What is so good about Joakim? What is so great about Jasmine? They cannot sing lah.....

Now the best part! The contestants. If I had my pick, the final 3 would be Mathilda, Jonathan and of course my Hady. The rest leaves very little to be desired. However, if the voting goes on the way it has been, the winner and the next Singapore Idol will be Joakim Gomez. Who incidentally should take a deed poll and change his name to Butcher Gomez. Why? Cos he bloody well butchers each and every song he err... sings? My heart actually aches when I see him perform. And he is so smug when the judges gives him negative comments because deep down he's saying 'nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh, you can say all you want but everyone will still vote for me...nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh'. Then we have Nurul, who can somewhat sing, if only she drops her fake American accent. There's Jasmine, Paul and Rahimah who all need to do some growing up before they can be the singer they truly can be. Of course there's the not very young, not VERY good looking but Very talented Mathilda, Jonathan and my Hady. Because they are not very young and not very good looking like Joakim ( God Forbid! ) they don't get very many votes and thus are left gasping for air every week.

You tell me now, Singapore Idol, a joke or not? Maybe it should be renamed to Singapore Idiots?

Lost

I teach. I like teaching. Especially when in the process I am able to laugh with my kids. Those times will, more often than not, turn out to be good days. When I joined the profession, I must admit it was because I screwed up my A levels. But what is important is that I grew to love it. I loved being with the kids. I had wonderful colleagues. I had a leader who, at that time, I thought, was some kind of wonderful. All these factors made me want to get out of bed every morning and skip to work. Taking a day off even because I was sick was very uncommon back then.

Sadly that situation has changed.

Now, while I still enjoy being with the kids, while I still have some wonderful colleagues, my leads have changed and because they have their own styles, my some of my colleagues have changed too. Work is no longer a place I want to skip to, I find 1001 excuses NOT to go EVERY single morning. I still love teaching, I really do but it's just not the same anymore.

I used to think that because teaching is all about imparting knowledge to the kids, EYERONE will be kind enough to share ideas, share experiences and share love. To be a teacher, does one not have to be, at the very least interested in kids? These small adults, while rambunctious and crazy are rather quite good judge of characters. They can see through your crap quite instantaneously. I have many colleagues now, who don't even like kids. They don't even think that their kids deserve a smile from them. You tell me, Can?

I also have colleagues who join teaching to climb corporate ladder. That in itself is an oxymoron, doncha think? I know MOE is trying to corporatise schools. I see that in the workload but I don't see the leads equipped to be supportive of that kind of structure. I had thought Education is a public service, so what ladder is it that they want to climb? Rubbish!

With more corporatisation happening, more and more leads are losing heart. Not that the corporate shit is getting to them, but in trying to be keparat err..... corporate, they become ( in ahgeks's words ) cold hearted. Picture this, you have a 4 year old child, who is having her heart operated on, and when approached for leave, your lead tells you it's not fair for the class that you will be away. How? Can? Those kids in the class have their own parents..... what about your child? Should anything happen to your child on the OT, then it's ok, you have 30 more in the class.... Is it? What rubbish!!!! You have kids, where is that motherly instinct a woman should have? Have you no compassion????

Lost my faith in this profession, I have.

Sourpuss

Sourpusses, wet blankets, sour grapes or whatchamacallit are alive and working in my office.

I simply don't understand these people. YOU go aroung complaining about what others are doing to raise funds when these others don't even bother YOU with their work. YOU go around calling them KIASU when they are merely trying to go a little further with their efforts.

If YOU think they might raise more money than YOU, then do something about it lah. Stop BITCHING. Somewhat inclined to call you a bitch but that would be insulting bitches the world over.

I have mixed feelings about what kind of person YOU are. But after today, I know. YOU are just a mean, grumpy, selfish person. Luckily YOU are married, otherwise YOU will be one of those people who will end up with 40 cats or something. How unfortunate that will be for the cats.

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

Cravings

I have this craving for warm gooey choc fudge brownies with cold vanilla ice cream laced with hot fudge. Yumm..........

Anyone wanna take me out for some?

Be Positive

You just do not know much I want it to be just that.

The past 2 months have been jerking me around emotionally. I have not had my menses for these past 2 months. You'd think I'd be over the moon right? Armed with the highest of hopes and a long list of pregnant-esque symptoms, I went to see my gynae. I could almost hear it in my head,

Congrats! You're gonna be a mommy!!

But after I had a HCG test done, it came back negative. NEGATIVE. NADA. NOTHING. And just like that I was jerked back to reality. For the uninitited, a HCG test is a pregnancy test lah. So I sat quietly infront of my gynae, a major lump growing in my throat, fighting back tears that threatened to spray out of my eyes. My heart was broken.

I had hoped that after my last d&c, and when my menses seemed to have gotten it's groove back on track, I thought this time, I might have a chance. After 2 months of no show, I thought I do have a chance but sadly the test was not positive. My gynae then said that the test might not be accurate so she wants me to give it another month after which another test is to be administered and if it is still negative, she'll give me medication to make the menses come so that I can try to conceive all over again.

So now I'm back in my limbo again. Pregnant or not? God only knows. It's not easy being in limbo. Now I know how those spirits in The Ghost Whisperer feel. Heh.

Confound it!

*cough cough* sniff sniff* wheez wheez* I'm six feet under the weather. Flu, fever, cough, asthma, the works. A viral festival in my body.Never felt as bad as this before. To make things worse, I have green pills, big pills, small pills and repulsive tasting cough elixir to down. Eeughh! And to make things even more worse, MBB caught my bug, and now HE's sick. So now with nary an ounce energy or strength the both of us are in bed, surrounded with tissues and phlegm. What a way to go to spend the weekend...... *cough cough*

Oh That Monkey!

So that Joakim is still in the competition, thus depriving Gayle of her rightful place in the final 10. I seriously don't think Singaporeans understand what this competition is all about. It's about talent people, NOT how cute they are!!!

BAH!

Going Up?

I was at the lift going up to class last week when someone said this to me. " Be nice to everyone on your way up coz you'll never know who you'll meet on your way down".

Well. Ok. I thought hmmm, I have to be nice to people taking the lift with me? So coincidental to be telling me such at the lift right?

But anyhow, I reckon this person thinks that with my boss retiring in August, I might take over her duties. Frankly I'm not really interested. I'd rather spend more time with my kids, teaching than planning or doing the administrative duties. But it has made me think what kind of 'boss' I'd be. I'm very opinionated and when I don't like someone, I have no qualms showing it. I know a leader cannot be like that. But that is what I am.

I think being in a capacity of a leader, one must have a certain thickness of skin. One must be able to support one's team. One must be able to provide for one's team. One must know what's going on to be able to lead effectively. One must lead by example. One must be fair. One must know one's team and use each and every one of team's strengths to ensure that work is done effectively and the kids are not shortchanged. One must be able to speak up for one's team when the need arises. A leader is, after all, the voice of the team.

One must not continously taiqi one's responsibilty and call it grooming. One must not worry only about one's stomach at times when one's team is madly rushing to finish up work. One must not just stand by and entertain other people when one's team is struggling. One must not flog willing horses in one's department. One must not do nothing and then expect the team to do everything.

I was watching an episode of CSI 2 weeks back. In that episode, Grissom's team lost ALL evidence that they had collected at a crime scene. This was a big boo boo as it would impact the outcome of the case. A guilty man would walk free because they did not have the evidence to find out who he is. That 3 men team that lost the evidence knew that they were in big shit. They were put in a room. Then Grissom walked in. Instead of asking why, he sat and together they tried to figure out how to solve the problem that they had. While doing that, the powers that be in the department was coming down hard on the 3 people. Grissom did not falter and he stood by his team, helping them work out what they could to salvage the situation. At the end of the show, I thought, WOW! What a boss! If mine was such, I would give him my heart and soul.

It is not easy to find a good boss but I'm glad that I have friends who have become good bosses. To you guys, keep up the good work. To those who have yet to realise that being a leader is not just about getting a fatter paycheck and bossing people around, be nice to everyone when you are up there coz you'll never know who you'll meet on the way down.

Just pray that it's not me. Heh.

Love Actually

'This crazy little thing called love...' so echoes the legendary Freddie Mercury. I do think love is, actually, crazy. Was watching Mummy Returns on 5 just now and watched with a tear in my eye how Imothep gave up when his dead-then-resurrected-now-dead-again amore, Ank Su Nmun refused to help him. He cried and literally just gave up his grip on life by plunging himself into the depths of hell. He cried and so did I.

Aiyah, I cry at everything lah. I the very emotional one. Crying is an outlet for me. Sad, I cry. Angry, I cry. Happy, also I cry. But I digress.

My point is, everyone, from helpless babies to mushy teenagers to strong silent men has fallen in love at some point in time in their lives. So how do you show that you love someone? Eevy showed her love for Rick by battling with falling bits of a pyramid to save him into falling into the pits of hell. For the uninitiated, that was also from Mummy Returns. Will I do that? Errr.... why would MBB be in a pyramid to begin with?

There are many ways one can show love. Some people buy stuff. Buying love you say? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... You won't admit love you love me, but if you buy me stuff, are you saying just that?

When one sees a Keropi paraphernalia that a close friend likes or when a husband comes across a funky watch that his wife might like, or if he sees a bag that he knows she will just love, and goes on to get it for her, I think it's sweet. Does that show that he loves her? Well, at the very least he's thinking about her. And in my book, that's love.

MBB, this does not mean that you should now, at this very moment go and get me that ice cream in the fridge that I'm dying for. Heh.

Some people, profess their love verbally. They SAY it. Sometimes out loud. Used to go out with a guy who is like that. In the beginning I was rather taken by his sweet words but as the relationship got on the sweetness became diabetic. Too much. Made me doubt if he ever even meant it. Creep.

Some, they JUST DO IT. These people, probably get paid by NIKE. Heh, I am kidding. Seriously. I remember when my dad was still alive, my mum would do everything for him. Growing up I thought, eeee when I get married, I never want to take off my husband's socks for him.

The more I watched my mum, I slowly began to realise that my dad never really said thanx. You see, he's the strong silent, full of machismo, saying thanx to a woman would, God forbid, reduce his manliness type. But it also made me realise that he said thanx by buying her fav mee goreng sometimes, getting her a piece of jewellery when he had extra money, bringing her out on the weekends on his trusted scooter, spending time fixing her sewing machine, doing small odd jobs around the house and things like that.

So I realised that my mum and dad both understand each others' way of showing their love.This understanding made the relationship work.

I envy people who have that kind of an understanding. Not easy yes?

I guess I have yet to come to that understanding. To me, MBB not calling = MBB not thinking of me = MBB doesn't love me. How juvenile, yes? But that is how I would like MBB to show his love. I want him to talk to me all the time. Not that he doesn't. I know he would if he had the time.

Me, I enjoy buying stuff for MBB. When I see a shirt that I know he'll wear, I'll get it. If I come across some chocolate and cookies that I know he'll love, I'll buy a batch. That's how I show love. The best part about that? When MBB is so pleased with what I get him that he gives me a great big hug. I love the bear hugs I get frim him. Perfection will be if he could hold me all day............sigh..............

So, how do you show your love?

By the way, I do take MBB's socks off for him. Sometimes.

Bah!

I am not too concerned what people think.

I think it's just me.

I may be tactless, but I'm NOT tasteless.

Batam? We Like!

By now, you already know that I had gone to Batam over the hols for a staff retreat. The following is a visual buffet of the great time we had there....

This was the gang on the ferry there. No, Kak Jan didn't sit with us. She went to kepo kepo everywhere else. As Usual. Saadiah also not there. If she were, she'd puked her guts out. So choppy it was , the sea. Lots of turbulence on the way there. Heh.

Ah Moy posing with glam shades. I like. The shades more than the Ah moy.Hahahahh. A mummy with babe in hand trying to pretend she was unaware of yours truly snapping a picture. Tsk.

The ferry terminal of choice but the name, I forget. But I like the architecture.

Holiday -Inn Batam. Waaaaaaaaay beyond my expectation. I also like. The buildings behind us are the rooms. Nice. Of course nicer are the 3 ladies at the balcony waiting for their Romeos.

2 gersang ladies posing with a tree?! I must say soooo cantik...... the tree.

Ahhhh...... these 2? No need to say. Gorgeous. Especially the larger than life one.Heh. Never realised how errr..... petite Jannah is. This is the center staircase@ the lobby. Not too shabby eh?

I do have pictures of the pool, rooms and some food we ordered while we were there. See that here ok?

Pictures! Pictures!

This post will be full of pictures. I am finally able to upload my pictures. Let's have a visual feast shall we?

Let's go to the Zoo!!

The girls were so excited when we picked them up in the morning.

Then we visited the Hamadryas Baboons.... we were all for a great shock. The baboons were IN HEAT! They had some parts of their genitalia sticking out of their butts. Apparently, that was how they got when they were in heat. Yikes! I decided that posting a picture here would simply be distasteful. But in case anyone was wondering, for the females,their butts looked like they had a serious case of piles. Everything was literally sticking out.Even for the males. Heh. Their pee pees were erect the whole time we were there. Instead of Viagra, they can consider Essence of Hamadryas?

Still at the baboon place. The kakak was quite err... disturbed by the scene behind her....

My Sayang and his nieces under the Great Bronze Tiger?

A picnic

That's my BIL's wife. We ordered breakfast from the nearby McD. I bought the table mat from the 7-11. It really brightened the stone picnic table. That day, the weather was sunny, the wind was blowing. It was great.

The old newly weds.....ha hah ah ahhh..... I'm in love with my shades.... Cool right?

My extended family : )

After these two munchkins were done in the sea, they had their shower and it began to drizzle. Their mum made them wera their robes and I just had to snap this pic. Are they cute or what.......???

Don't Judge... Share

Guess what? First week of school is over and tomorrow is a holiday. Thanks to the youths of Singapore. Everything's going well thus far. Just that I can feel the work beginning to come in, which, unfortunately is a necessary evil. All to prepare the not-so-small-munchkins for their PSLE. They, however, don't seem to feel it as much as I. sigh...

Everyone's shifted into full gear at work. After that short Batam retreat, I noticed that people at work seem more tolerant of one another. I like that. I do applaud my boss's effort to gel us. In fact the last person I had expected to be nice to me has began to show signs of warming up to me. That is a good thing as I will have to eventually work rather closely with him. I have also made a resolution to be less judgmental or not at all. During this retreat, I was grouped with people whom I had no liking for, but after getting to know them better, I realised I had misjudged them. So I have decided that I will give myself a chance to get to know them before judging them. Heh.

Everyone except 1.

This person, I simply cannot give the benefit of the doubt. I have tried, but I cannot. This person made a mistake, was caught by none other than the powers that be and yet, nothing punitive has been done. In fact, this person has gone on a long break. Upon return was given negligible work, of which the rest of us were to have zero expectations. This person was also exempt from teaching because the kids supposedly stressed her out. So this person could do things during teaching hours while the rest of us struggle to juggle things in order to find the time to do the same. In a real situation, I would have felt sorry for this person. Teaching definitely has it's fair share of stresses and if you are unable to handle it and succumbs to it, go on, lean on my shoulder. BUT when one fakes it and then rubs it in our faces, and that EVERYONE even the authority on mental breakdowns realises how unreal this situation is, it becomes a big joke. Seriously, I'm not joking. Heh.

Now, this person is back to teaching. My question is, what has changed? If the kids were the cause of this person losing marbles, they are still there. If we are the ones who causes politicking in the department which gives this person a headache, we are still here. If an ineffective boss is the one that makes this person depressed, she's still ineffective.

How is it that this person's antics are entertained? How is it that this person gets away scott free? I too have made my fair share of mistakes and let me tell you, I was never spared. So how is it that this person gets to be exempted from teaching and everything ladida after being caught, red handed, by the powers that be no less? Welcome to the real world you say? Yeah. I agree. But I am a strong believer in what goes around comes around.

To this person, what you have done hurts others. Makes others feel lousy about themselves. Makes others feel that their hard work is a joke. Makes them doubt the authority. What you done hurts the kids under your charge. You have hurt their learning potential. You have shortchanged them.

But most of all, you have hurt yourself. For that I feel sorry for you.

YOU. What goes around comes around.

I'm Back, Baby

It has been a long, long time since I wrote anything. I was on a blog hiatus, heh. More importantly, I'm baaaack!

Today I just received word that there are only 5 more games to the dreaded world cup. Not that I have anything against football as a game per se but the world cup is something else. I'm soooo damned bloody glad that it's coming to an end. Anyway, let's get updated shall we?

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In the wise words of Julie Andrews, Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start....

June holidays came around after the fluster of pre and post exam activities. After getting stressed out with countless Meet the Parents sessions which after a while lost it's fear for me, ( ya! I was afraid to meet parents ), the Analysis of the SA1 results reared it's ugly head. My department then brainstormed why the results were so and thankfully some issues were addressed. ( Read: My issues, I addressed it myself. Heh ) With that well behind me, I started on the almost-always-impossible mission of clearing my desk.

After that was done to my acceptable standards, obviously not very high, I vowed to never return to school again unless absolutely necessary. Although I owed Mdm R work review and books.Heh I am glad that I kept to my word as this June, I DID NOT at all come back to school. That I think is the first time I'd done that. June was not much of a holiday anyway. The first week was spent doing department stuff and P6 supplementary.The 2nd week, I slept and slept and slept. I was a piggy but I was tired. I just wanted to rest and rest I did.

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The third week of the holidays, MBB was on leave and we spent quite a bit of time with my BIL's family. That means me getting a whole lot of time with my 2 lovely nieces. I love these girls.
We went to the Zoo. It was Sabrina's first time at the Zoo and she was excited. Sofiah, however, has been there before, so she wasn't half as excited as kakak. Anyway, we spent a whole day there. The weather was slightly overcast but it held up, so it wasn't hot ( much to my joy ) So yours truly was not cranky and so we had great fun. ( I had wanted to insert pictures here but dunno why lah cannot )
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Following the Zoo weekend, we went to the beach. It was leisurely, unhurried and was quite a nice day out. We went to East Coast. It was a sunny, sunny day. While yours truly was not too happy about that, my nieces were so excited to play in the sand and wade in the water. I had wanted to take them in but the sand in the sea had many many stones in them. I was not about to be stepping on very rough stones, thank you very much! Who do I report such bad sea conditions to? Anyhow, the girls and their mummy and daddy built a sandcastle and they had a wonderful time. ( I had wanted too put pictures here too, but well, you know )
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20th June was a special day. MBB turned 34! Happy birthday sayang! We had a wonderful day out. Although clumsy me had to spoil it somewhat by spraining my ankle which I later found out was a torn ligament. We caught The Omen that day. You can give this show a miss coz it was so very the boring! We then had a nice dinner at Bali Thai because I had a craving for the Ayam Panggang Bali. Shouldn't MBB be the one to decide where to eat? Of course lah, but since he loves me sooo much,he let ME have my way...heh. ( Well, pictures were supposed to be here too but.... )
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I had to go to Batam this hols for a staff planning retreat. Yes, do not do a double take. You read it right. It was B-A-T-A-M that I wrote. I had never been there. But I do hear horror stories of things that go on there. So imagine my distress when the P announced that we'll have a staff retreat there. Of all places. There was always Bintan. I would have rejoiced and brought MBB along to continue his birthday celebrations if it had been Bintan. But it was not so MBB had to stay home. Anyway, he had the World Cup to occupy him without me yelling in his ear to get to bed.

I had very adverse expectations about this trip. I had expected the ferry people would screw up our ride. I had expected the hotel to forget that we were checking in. I had expected the hotel grounds and rooms to be below expectations, never mind that it was a Holiday-Inn hotel. I had expected them to deliver a spoon I'd request 5 hours later. But what a pleasant pleasant surprise I got! The hotel grounds and rooms were great! The service staff was effective and very very polite. The staff of certain hotel in JB where we also had a staff retreat once, should do well to learn a thing or two from these great Batam service people. All not so good thoughts I had about this trip had vanished. As a matter of fact, I had great time minus the work bit lah.
I really want to bring MBB there. I'd spent more time in the room this time. Heh. ( Again, pictures will come soon. But can refer here if no patience. heh )
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Well, so much for updates. School's in and so work begins. Miss them munchkins though. Till the next update... Toodaloo!

It's No Mean Feat

SUSTAINABILITY

Big word in my life right now. At work, at home, with my family, with the love of my life. It is not easy. It definitely isn't. But with God as my witness, I will TRY.

Goodbye To YOU

I'll remember the fun times. I'll remember the pouring out of souls. I'll remember all the good graces lavished sparingly. I'll remember all the harsh words. I'll remember all the blind accusations. I'll REMEMBER.

There is no action without repercussion.

Time Will Heal What Reasons Cannot

I made it out of the hospital. Let me tell you, the colour of the hospital, the uniform they make you wear actually makes you look sicker than you are. Might consider brightening up the place?

Anyway, I have been discharged. While I was in there, I was given wonderful service by the medical staff at KK. They were great. They were prompt, attentive, caring and not too evasive. The best bit about them is that they were not loud. Which I greatly appreciated. All in all, my stay there was very pleasant.

Thanx to Mak who stayed so late with me. We had a nice time talking away and making fun of Farah. Thanx to my baby sister who came again to keep me company. Thanx to my MIL and FIL who came despite the fact that they were not doing too well.

Thanx to my friends who took time off their busy, busy, busy schedule to come see me. Thanx to Alam's friends and colleagues who also came by. Thanx to Sheila for the gorgeous bouquet. You need not apologise profusely for not being able to come by. What with being in UK and all.... Silly girl. Thanx to Has for calling all the way from Georgia.

Having this episode in the hospital made me painfully aware of certain things. This realisation made me really, really sad. I have realised what it means to matter. I have realised what defines a relationship one human has with another. I have realised that even though you are so busy you can hardly breathe, you CAN make time..... if it really mattered to you. I have realised that I have been a fool. Don't you just hate it when you realise that you have been a fool?

What was I thinking? How could have not seen things that were right in front of my face? Maybe I did see them. Maybe obstinate me refused to believe that I didn't have that depth of a relationship with them. Maybe stupid me thought that all the accusations were jokes that will be laughed at over a cup of caramel macchiato. Maybe stupid stupid me just didn't get it that I'm not what falls into YOUR definition of a friend. Maybe silly me thought that YOU would check with me before accusing me. Maybe dumb*** me should just go slam my head against a wall for being so dumb!

On another note. What kind of a leader are YOU? Leaders should care for the people under their charge. Even if YOU think they are beneath you. Even if YOU think they are morally decayed. Even if YOU think they are so worthless as a fellow human. Just remember that we, that I, whether you like it or not, work. So when we get sick, when we are not well, YOU should bloody well show some concern. But seriously, I hope that when I come back to work, YOU don't ask me how I am because I know YOU don't care. I would very much rather YOU just shut up and be on your way. I'd rather YOU don't pollute the air by opening your mouth, thank you very much.

I think it's about time I grew up. Whatever happened or will happen, I will get over it because as Irni says, time will heal what reasons cannot.

Some Good, Some Not So Good

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth and I also regrettably announce that I'm still very much alive and kicking. ( Sheil, sorry to disappoint you!! ) I have just been very busy lately.

A lot has happened since the last entry. Some good, some not so good.

Not so good ( 1 )
Mak has TB. That just sucks. But I must say she's taking it pretty well. It's a good thing we caught it early, doc says. She's on meds now. Doc says if she takes the meds regularly and as prescribed, she'll be ok. The only sucky thing for her is that she'll have to dialyse at an isolated facility and not together with her dialysis kakis. Hang on in there Mak, it's only 2 weeks.

Not so good ( 2 )
I have to be away for a week from school. This I reckon will not be good as I do not know how my P will react to it. It will also be the week where my kiddies will be having their SA1 oral exams. If I'm gone, there'll only be 2 of my teachers testing the PM kids and there are MANY of them. Sigh. I feel so bad leaving them in the lurch like this. It'll also mean that I'll have a week less to do revision with my kiddies. Actually, at this moment I don't know what to do. Why do I have to go you ask? Now that will bring me to the next not so good thing.

Not so good ( 3 )
I had an ultrasound done and my gynae found that my womb lining is suspiciously thick. There were also some funny looking 'somethings' in my womb. So what she wants to do is a D&C procedure to scrape out the lining and have it tested at the lab. I had asked her if I could have it done in May after the SA1 is over but she says this needed to be done urgently. I'm really torn. The decision to go has, however been made up for me as I have, once again, started to bleed excessively again. I have to get this fixed.

So, to all my dear friends who WILL be visiting me in the hospital, I WANT FLOWERS.

Now, for the pieces of good news that really made my week.

Good ( 1 )
The Malay Dance in my school was awarded the GOLD medal in the recent SYF. From what I hear it was the p6 boys that captured the judges' eye and most of these boys are mine! I'm so, so the very proud of them. Congrats to Tya who has really worked hard on this, given the crappy assistant ( not Suharti! ) that was assigned to her.

Good ( 2 )
I PASSED my FTT. So happy, happy, happy I am!!!! And guess what? My practical test, will be on September 11th. I told my instructor that I might just crash into some building. Touch Wood!!!

So that's it. Things happen. We get so caught up in them that when the day ends, you just wonder where the hours have gone. Sigh.... Such is life...

So people, pray that I come out of the hospital still alive ok?

Enjoy The Silence

It has been a long long week. I'm physically, mentally and psychologically tired. There is just so much to do. It's my job, so it's my responsibility but there's just so much to do.

I miss my husband. He has had a longer more stressful week than me. I miss having him hold me till I fall asleep. I miss our pillow talk and bear hugs. I miss him.

I miss my mummy. I miss seeing her. I miss her cooking. I miss my baby sister. I miss our time out together.

I miss what could have been my baby.

But I don't miss this dull ache I have in my head, my body, my abdomen...... my heart.

I need a break. I just want to sleep it all away. All of it. The pain, the ache, the depression. Please God, please make it all go away.

I know that I will be ok.

Eventually.

I'm not alone in being busy at work. Most of my colleagues are busy too. Only some colleagues are fortunate enough to be able to finish their work and leave school by 2pm. To one particular colleague, I have this to say to you.

I understand that extra work given may be difficult for you to take but IT IS your job and responsibility. I'm sorry you were informed at the last minute but don't you realise that with an incompetent leader, we have always been asked to do last minute work?

I know you are probably pissed off at having to do this last minute work. But you don't have to do it from scratch. You are merely just adding on or changing around the existing piece of work, even if it ran the risk of the parents having seen it before. Even then, it was poorly done. I had to make changes to it.

I know you are concerned that your kids would have no help preparing. Do we look heartless to you? Whatever you had asked us to do, did you not realise that we had our commitments as well?

I know you are not well, but you were overbearing. You demanded things be done without realising we had things to do as well. You demanded things be done like we owed it to you to do. At one point, you insulted me even. How can you ask for help and insult me in the same space?

I'm not going to say anything to you about it. I'm not going to react to it. I'll just keep mum. My new reaction to anger.

SILENCE.

Say hello to it.