White Flag

With this I hereby announce, I officially give up. I'm done.

So Plastic

I'm so fake, I can't it believe myself.
All for HARMONY???

Aaaargh!!!!

That Which Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger

There are many things that people go through in life that either make or break them.

I mean, my life is brilliant right now, I have a really nice although messy hole in the sky that I call home, I have my mum, who is, other than the fact suffering from end-stage renal failure, a really great and strong woman whom I love to bits, I have my brother and sister whom i love terribly although they sometimes they are the ones who are the most difficult to love...heh. Then there is my husband, who is my pillar of strength, my conscience, my soul. The one who saves my from my endless sleepwalking escapades, who ends up not getting enough sleep as well.... and of course my wonderful extended family and friends.

I have a great and wonderful but thankless job that I unfortunately love. Nothing picks me up like when the kids' faces suddenly lights up when something I just said makes sense to them. As I said, my life is brilliant.

Recently I met someone.

I am very dismayed at how not strong the person is. Especially in the capacity that this person is in. I had an encounter with this person that makes me question how this person makes decision. Then another incident happened and this person never bounced back from it. I know I probably don't have the whole story, but to my understanding, this incident led to this person completely giving up. I mean GIVE UP. If it is just because of that, I ought to give this person a kick in his John Brown hind parts.

The following may sound like I'm whining, but let me assure you that IT IS NOT a journey of resentment. I lost my dad ( read: he died ) my only ally, when I was 14. I had to work and put myself through school. Sure, I became an idiotic teen, but which adolescent didn't? Then when I grew up and finally started working, I thought I can finally let my mum enjoy life after having to work so hard when my dad died. Then we found out that she has end stage renal failure! Imagine what a blow that was. I really thought that she was going to die. So now, other than the stresses of work, I have a bag of worry EVERYTIME she goes for her dialysis on tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays. The dialysis nurses always tell me that there had been cases where patients just collapse and die during dialysis because their hearts cannot take it. So much for comforting me right??? Let's not even get started on the financial implications of her treatments.

Then I had 3 miscarriages. Effectively, I would have had 3 kids, the oldest would have been 5 this year. Then I found that I have diabetes. Then we found out that MBB's nose isn't working so well and is in dire need of an overhaul. Sigh.... They say when it rains, it pours huh?

Now, if I had let all these get me down, I probably would have died already. So when I heard the reason this person just wants to give up, I completely lost all respect for him. If everytime something difficult comes around, you run, then, my dear, you will be running for the rest of your life.

Well I wish you all the best. May your life be easier from here on.

Boys in Da Club

Look at these 2 boys....they're six now and that's them celebrating their birthday. At Raffles Town Club no less. My first party at a country club..... Ooooohhh.... Pool party some more....hehe. I hope they like their gifts. I had a headache when buying their gifts, I mean, seriously, what do you get 2 boys who has practically everything??? Anyhow, when invited to this swanky soiree, I decided to bring along my 2 lovelies.

They had fun. I know it'll be an experience for them. They had so much fun that they refused to get out of the pool when it came time to go. So now I owe them a trip to the pool. When we decided to take them and was allowed to, we rented a family car, packed them into it and made a day of it. I was happy. It felt like I had a real family. It felt like i was just like my other friends who all brought their broods to the party.

I just realised that after a while, all the little broods all joined up and became 1 big party!

So cute that they all ended up wearing blue swimsuits... Anyhow, I was happy, I was 'mummy' for the day. But it also mad me very sad. It just reminded me of what I don't have. It reminded me of what everyone has and that I don't. It made me very very sad. Sigh....
I love MBB and how he understands when I get upset about that which I don't have. I love it when he tells me that as long as there's the two of us, we've got the world and all it's charms...... as long as there's the two of us.

Maybe Baby

Congrats to CPL and Lynn for being preggers!! I want some baby dust sprinkled on to me too..... But I think, maybe I'd need to be swimming in the baby dust. Heh. I think I need to try and let it go. I think I need to begin to accept that I may not be receiving that joyful bundle after all. I think I need to just live and let live.

I think I need to pester MBB for a baby. The four-wheeled kind. Heheh...

Not Ready To Make Nice

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting...

Words of the Dixie Chicks ring in my ear. That's precisely what me and MBB are feeling at this moment. We have apparently been big fat suckers. Doesn't it suck when the realisation hits you right between the eyes? You just realise what a fool you've been all this time. So now with nary a shred of dignity, I do pull out from this very very deceptively warm and loving realtionship. So now with the heaviest of heart, I do say Thank You.

Never again. Even though I really love the 2 small ones, NEVER AGAIN.

Perceptions

Perceptions can work to you advantage. Or not. 10 years ago i would not have given two hoots to what others' perceptions of me would be, but now, it is a completely different situation. I do give 2 hoots how people perceive me. In fact I give many hoots lah. I do hope that with this reappearance, people will not assume to liken us. I'd just hate that. We are 2 very very very different people ok!

Yummy

I am having a huge craving for this.

Chicken anyone?

Cheesed Off!

As I have said before, there is a certain limit to the amount of crap that I can entertain from people, and for this particular group of people, I have increased that limit possibly 10 fold. I think before crap hits the ceiling, I'm not doing this anymore. I hate the way you make me and MBB feel inadequate about ourselves, well, more MBB than me lah. I have very thick skin, if you'd care to look close enough. You people don't know very much and it's disturbingly disgusting how with little knowledge you act like Mr-and-Mrs-Know-It-All. My crappy dears, a little ( in your case, very very very little ) knowledge is a bloody dangerous thing.

All I want to say to you now is, Good Luck, May you prosper in how small you are.

Back To Basics

MBB has gone back to operations. That means he's solving the problems and issues that arise in relation to the servers and whatever program platforms this Citibank has. That means irregular hours. That means LONG, LATE, irregular hours. That means not seeing muchof MBB on weekdays. That means CONSTANT and MANY smses. That means highly likely I-GOTTA-GO-BACK-TO-WORK weekends. That means MBB tired most days. THIS SUCKS!

Wish I May Wish I Might - Part 2

That one particular person, these also I like. Heh.

All, available at Tiffany&Co.

Hint, hint, hint.......

Wish I May, Wish I Might

If any particular person wants to know, I love this.

Hint, hint...

Men Oh Men Oh Me Oh My!

I love MBB, I really do. But last night, I surrendered myself to another. 4 others to be exact. They just simply took my breath away. They were so .... yummy. *wink* It was a surreal experience for me. Never before had 4 men given such pleasure... All at the same time some more.... Heh, it was somewhat an orgasmic experience. An aural orgasm... Please lah, don't be so twisted. I'm not as exciting as THAT.

But last night, THIS gave me a super high. I actually saw these 4 handsomely beautiful men. Of course 'saw' is a relative word lah but I saw them. I was seated to the right of the stage on the balcony. We had quite a good view of them. Apart from the fact that the seats were a bit small ( actually, we all know it's not the seats that are small lah huh ), I had a great time. The acompanying music was superb, especially the drummer, I thought and as it turned out he WAS the musical director of the concert. No wonder so good lah, director you!

But what impressed me the most was how effortless these guys made operatic singing seem. There were no gimmicks, no pyrotechnics, no wadrobe malfunctions -although a wadrobe malfunction by these guys would have made my day :) Their whole performance was simply just about their voices and their voices were mighty fine. Yours truly was very very impressed. Till next time boys, somewhere... somehow...

So Far So Good

It's been 18 days since 07 has come around. So far so good. Pretty much settled into work. I have managed to get into a system where I will not be overwhelmed with 3 x 40 compo scripts at any 1 time. My only hope is that I am able to sustain this order I have created. Heh.

My classes are alright. My senior class while very resistant initially are now a joy to be with. Granted that they are a little slow and NOT AT ALL prepared for the major exam they are to sit for, they are definitely very very willing to learn. I thought it a bit wierd that they are so clueless about their major exam. Sigh, poor kids, but we all know who ought to be shot right?

My middle class are my darling from last year,so they are very in tune with my style of teaching. So quite easy fo me to instruct them. Now that I think about it, my middle class is more atuned to the fact that they will be sitting for PSLE.......

My junior class is just the best. I love them, going into that class makes me happy. I taught some of them when they were just starting out and getting them again is great!

BTW, I have an interesting evening planned out tonight......

I had the opportunity to drive around last weekend. It was a wonderful feeling! I enjoyed it so much, I did not want to return the car. This coming weekend, managed to rent another car, so off I go again!! Hurray!!

I was informed that our MT dept will have another Immersion. I have another shot at China again!!

Well, as I have said, so far s good!!

A Good Sign

Leaky noses, scratchy throats and long unruly hair,( MBB's, not mine ) made our New Year somewhat not-so-hot. After cups of tea and many,many anti-histamines later, we were feeling quite the miserable. But as I lay on my couch, cocooned in my anti dustmite comforter from Ausinno, MBB got a little shock as I squealed excitedly while pointing outside my window.

This was the cause of my excitement.



Isn't it just gorgeous? MBB says it's a good sign. I hope he's right.

Goodbye 06, Heloooo 07!

2007 has started on a Monday. It will end on a Monday too. There are NO public holidays on Sundays. This year also has the highest number of Saturdays and Sundays in recent times. So, come on now, enjoy 2007, probably the shortest working year in your life!

Happy New Year!

Big Jolt

We had a staff meeting followed by the various committee meetings this morning. What a big jolt back to reality. Much to be done. Felt somewhat unreal. As Fiza quite aptly puts it, she's in denial. Heh.

Got a new leader today, positive vibes all around. A gesture made showed that he has the makings of a leader who does not only think of himself. Looking foward to working with him.

Well, 2007, may you bring with you blessings and the much needed changes.

I Did It!

I woke up to a snoring husband, a stiff neck and a really groggy head and after looking out of my window, a very very very heavy heart. It was raining... Noooo...

And so it was that I prepared for my final lesson and my test sans the butterfly soiree in the stomach this time but more of a dread. Why did it have to rain again?! The now-no-longer-snoring husband tried to comfort me. So sayang I of him but unless he can stop the rain, I was considering not even going.

And so it was that I told myself to heck it and just go. Rain and all.

And so it is, after 32 lessons albeit 1920 buckeroos, after a kerby during the first attempt, of which I of course failed, after 2 insructors and after buckets of rain, yours truly finally did it. Proud of myself, I am. Something long overdue this is.

Happy birthday my Mak Sayang. I know your many many doa helped. I hope this is as wonderful a gift as I can ever give you.

Ayang, I know we agreed on 2008, but ah, my hands very the gatal.... *wink*

My Gastronomic Getaway

I had loads to write about my getaway to KL. But I thought I'd tease a little first. More to come...

You Know You're In Malaysia When.....

You know you're in Malaysia when pakciks old enough to be your father calls you kakak.

You know you're in Malaysia when every kilometer or so, you gotta fork out coins to pay the toll.

You know you're in Malaysia when ladies are so particular about donning the tudung, but hey, it's perfectly ok to wear capped sleeves and show more skin especially by wearing low necklines and even lower rise jeans.

You know you're in Malaysia when you're in a major department during the Christmas season surrounded by Zara, Prada, Coach, Tod's, Gucci and more and yet Lovehunters' music wafts through the air.

You know you're in Malaysia when you're along a major expressway and on a road sign, you see ' RESTORAN AH CIK, IKUT KIRI'

You know you're in Malaysia when you're in a restaurant and gets served only 1 glass of water when there's obviously the 2 of you.

You know you're in Malaysia when you have to ask 3 people before you get 2 slices of lemon.

You know you're in Malaysia when after the water and lemon fiasco, they still screw up your bill.

You know you're in Malaysia when it cost 20 cents for a third person to sit in a cab and 40 cents for a fourth.

But.... if MBB gets posted there, I'll be so the happy. Almost everything is Halal you!